If only you could understand how I really feel, things might be a little easier.

Sometimes, a thing may be positive but in actual fact it is negative.
That is when you'll get stuck in between.

Once again, I apologize for my stubbornness.

Is this really your true colour?
For as far as I know you, you're not such person at all.
It'll be a sad thing for me if you are really what you are now.

I don't know what's going on and you seems to be keeping a distance from me right now.
I don't know if what I've said that day leads to your current action or behaviour.
If that's the case then I'm sorry.
But come to think of it, I don't mind for what you had accidentally did or said to me.
I understand how depressed you are right now but please don't ever hide away from me.
Maybe you don't want to hurt me like what you did, but honestly you already did right now.
What I'm feeling right now it's like there's a huge barrier between you and me and I've got to break it myself.

I just wish you can go back to how you used to be, how we used to talk and most importantly be yourself right in front of me.
Don't hold back any of your action.
You know I understand you and you should know the way I think.
The way you are behaving right now makes me feel I've done something wrong.
If I did, tell me so.

Running away won't solve anything.
Sometimes don't use depression as an excuse. Everyone have their own problems, stress but life goes on, right?
If you need someone to talk to, go find them. The most important thing is that you're able to at least release a bit of the tension in you.
Like I've said I'll always support you and be right by your side.
I'm sorry if I can't be your 'Mrs. Smith' but I'm trying hard right now.
Don't ever give up when I'm not even giving up on you.

Sometimes you may not get what you really want or hoping for.
But still, don't lose hope.
You taught me to be confidence and believe in myself.
Now you've got to do that as well.
Do not worry about the future, no one can predict it, just live and cherish the present.
I know we both are deep thinkers but what's the point of thinking hard about the future if future still seems like a mist to us? You might as well used the time spent thinking about future on solving problems you are having now and live with the present?

The route that each of us walk are never a straight and smooth one.
There're curves, there're dead ends and etc.
All we got to do is avoid those curves or make a  turn back when you reach a dead end.
Eventually, you'll reach your destination.

Lastly, I'm sorry if you think my thoughts are somehow naive or main stream to you.
But do you know that sometimes having naive thoughts save you from many stress?
And Dan, I believe in you! =)

An interesting fact about myself, and it's darn true!

金牛座的人通常脾气很好，因为他们有著极强的压抑心理，可以将任何情绪掩盖在外表之下，并且你要相信，他有这个本事一忍到底。通常他们不发作是为了不让别人难堪，金牛座自尊心极强，正是因为如此，他们很懂得保护别人的自尊和面子。但是不要以为金牛好欺负，这个星座天使与恶魔并存。

在某些方面有著惊人的领悟力，或是数学、或是哲学、更多的是音乐和艺术方面。在这些领域他们可堪称天才。虽然他们表面温温吞吞的，但其行事乖张不下於双子，而平常人根本猜不透他们毫无表情的外表下到底在想些什麼。

沉默，是金牛座最大的哭声。金牛有心事后，不想多说，感觉说话很累，或许是习惯了沉默，习惯了痛，习惯了安静。当金牛座不理你的时候，其实她已经受伤很深！

没事喜欢胡思乱想；性格与脾气都比较极端；嗜睡；喜欢裸睡；泪腺发达，易被感动；喜欢跟喜欢的人身体接触，恨不得把身体揉进去那种；有些悲观；支配欲；有较强的依赖感；偏执，苛求完美；双重性格；一般很抗拒有人走近，不喜欢听见周围有人不停交谈；经常表现出对什麼都不在乎。

一直以来，慢条斯理，稳定性极强，都是用来形容金牛的，而他们在为人处事的时候也的确表现出了这些特质，不愿争执所表现出来的温顺，是因为不想浪费脾气表达，而半天没有行动的懒散，则是因为他们要仔细的研究，考虑清楚，於是，慎重就成了金牛保持沉默的原因。不管周围的环境如何改变，又是用多少的有力证据来劝说，不想争辩什麼，因为多说无益。

没有人照护金牛座的时候、牛牛就会变得很坚强，但是一旦有人在金牛座的身边、他就成了小孩子了。常会幻想却要是家人出事了该怎麼办、想著想著就哭了，喜欢对喜欢的人对著看、也喜欢一个人独处。

其实有时候觉得金牛是个压抑的星座，他在乎的事情太多，朋友啊，恋人啊...可是他不会正确的表达自己的感受，所以经常被人误解。但其实他只是单纯的希望别人都能洞晓自己的心事，但又一次次的失望，最后连金牛他自己都找不到自己的方向，所以故作出冷漠的神情。把自己封闭起来。

金牛吃软不吃硬、经常口是心非，很乐观又很悲观、安全感不多、有点感性，有些话即使害怕错过也不说、常常被人骗、小敏感、小洁癖，害怕受伤、总说自己不孤单其实很寂寞，多陌生人冷冷的、熟悉后就嘻嘻哈哈，总表现得很坚强其实很软弱、总被人误解却不愿解释。只要是他们认準的人或者事、金牛可以为朋友两肋插刀、可以做任何事甚至是付出所有，但他讨厌被别人利用、所以如果你想与金牛座交朋友就不要想利用他。如果他知道了、虽然他嘴上不说但是心裡会开始慢慢讨厌你。

金牛们大部分很恋旧情的，内心设防比较严重，很专情，真的喜欢一个人的话可以喜欢很久。生活态度很认真，感情略微有些慢热。一旦受伤之后会记住很久很久，不容易癒合，但是会隐藏自己的内心，如果积攒了过多情绪的话，有可能会在一瞬间爆发。倾向於幽默的言语表达，信唸经常会随著现实的转变而变化。不擅於改变、他喜欢的就会一直喜欢，他不喜欢的、就永远不会喜欢。

金牛们往往感情投入最多伤的最重，最擅长为难自己、不想对方难过只好自己难过，总以为自己有超乎寻常的承受力、把自己想得太坚强、把别人想得太脆弱。他不知道、其实受伤的是金牛自己，即使心在疼在痛也强忍著不表现出来、独自的承受一切。

金牛隻是会独自一个人用行动来说明一切的人，也是个冥顽不灵的石头牛。

어떡하나요   차가웠던 그대가   그래도 보고싶어요

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I'm totally not myself today, can't even get a hold of myself.

Can't even concentrate at work, keep making mistake or forgetting things I've been doing everyday.

I never knew this would pose a huge impact on me.
Sometimes I even asked myself, why care if he doesn't care at all? Why makes myself suffer so much? The only answer that I can think of is just a simple I. don't. know.

I've been thinking hard and lots today but I don't know what I'm thinking.
It's just like my soul is not with me and get moody or mad very fast.
I lost count on the number of sigh I made today, but it's definitely better than yesterday night.

And, I'm sorry to my girls. They're worried about me.
I can see Jay's effort trying to make me smile.
Glen.. He said he's willing to be my listening ear, but people who knows me will know I don't tell my problems to everyone, only to the one I'm feeling comfortable with.
Anyway, thanks a lot guys.

Don't worry, I won't quit just because he left.
Who knows he might come back one day. *I'm making false hope again? but this is what I'm really hoping for.*
If I do quit, then everyone's effort in helping me will be wasted, so I won't.
All I want is just a rest, to clear my mind and adapting to new situation WITHOUT his presence.
Now I'm saying he's dead *touch wood*.
He's still surviving, very good I suppose.

The reason I got upset is not because he quit the game and I can't see him FOREVER, even though I haven't met him before.
That's somehow too dramatic if I cry all day and night.
The reason why I can't get over it is because we hardly talk now, and FW is somehow the way I can.

We can chat on Skype, but I wouldn't like to disturb people if they're busy. This will then slowly makes our conversation gets dull, and at last just a 'hi' and 'bye'.
It'll be totally awful but I'm not a person who's good at making the first step.

Anyway.. I just hope things can get better.

I thought I will have the chance.
I even thought things could gets better if I just follow my plan.
I also thought I will have more time.

Too bad things didn't work out as what I'm hoping for and planning.

Right now, at this instant I'm suffering confusion.
I don't know what to do. He said he quit.
This is too sudden that I can hardly catch my breath.

Once, the girls said I would leave too if he quit.
I blindly and simply told them I would, because him quitting was never on my mind.

Maybe I expect he'll quit but not so soon.
It's just too sudden for me, seriously.

Let's pray for some miracles to happen.

There's only 3 words I want to say to you.

I hope I have the chance, being in the right timing, in an appropriate mood and a response from you.
Even though I indirectly told you before but this time I hope I can make it officially.

I don't want to regret for not saying because you'll be gone away soon and I'll start to get real busy compared to last year.
The period isn't long, only 6 months or more but I don't know the moment we meet again, can we be the way like how we used to be?
Even now, you start to get busy. You start feeling depressed and I feel so helpless.
I can only listen to your sorrow and unable to do anything to ease your pain.

I really miss those days we watch funny clips together, the way you make me smile and laugh so hard and how you cheer me up when I was down or mad.
One thing for sure and I will always remember - You taught me things about life and how to handle it.
Despite you having a bad past or history, I choose to believe that you will succeed one day.

It's really sad looking at you being pessimistic about life when you're the one who taught me to always look at the bright side.
It's sadder when I'm can't even do a thing to make you happy.

Anyway, I have only 2 months left to be able to talk with you. After that we will go back to our own life.
And honestly before that, I wish I could tell you what I really want to say.