Approximately another 30 minutes, our dispensing exam is officially ended. I was in the first group so I'm at my home now.

Dispensing exam is indeed a stressful exam that I have to overcome. To overcome my fear and panic. This time, I managed to submit all my prescription but with the last one not completely done. I scribble my answer sheet as I don't have much time to complete it. It was a drug interaction prescription that I did before during practice. I can say that God is being very kind and helpful to me. All lecturers are very helpful and the prescription I got is not that I've yet seen before, maybe one or two which is new to me.

I was panicking and nervous all the way since the exam starts until an hour left before the exam ends. I thought I had the time and so I slowed down my pace. But then only I realised that it needs more time for me to figure out the appropriate drug. I did this before but I forgotten and start panicking even more. My mind was blank. I couldn't think so much and just dispensing both of the drug that have interaction. By that time, I know I'm going to fail this already.

After everything ended, I broke down. I just couldn't take the stress anymore. Friends told me that it's alright not to change the drug, provided I mentioned about preventive measure or extra precaution steps to be taken. I did in my counselling but not knowing if the marker is able to read my handwriting. Then only I recalled back then I left out the solution box empty, which makes me worried even more.

Now, although I've dispense this prescription, there's  a 50 : 50 chance that I'll fail. It's really a great pressure  retaking this exam. Apart from all of these, I'm proud of myself in a way that I managed to dispense 7 completely. Normally, I failed to do that due to lack of understanding. Despite me saying these, I'll be sad if I have to go back once more. Everyone knows how terrible it is. Right now, it's over and the only thing I could do is praying hard that I can pass this, even if its just a borderline pass.

I don't really want anything else except successfully finishing my pharmacy course. I hope God will help me once again and I'm really sorry for asking too much. Like I said, I have 3500 words report waiting for me and I'll be having mock OSCE next week. Studying pharmacy is really a stressful but I know I can do it. My motive is just to graduate and help as many people as I can. I don't care if I'm able to earn lots, most important thing is other people's safety. So, right now let's just all pray that I can pass this dispensing exam and all my other exams successfully with one go. I'll always be gratitude to it.

May God be with us all.

Hi!!

Not going to drag very long this time. I'll be having my very first dispensing exam in few hours time.

Wishing good luck to all my fellow classmates and myself. Let's do this peeps!! We can do it!!

Praying hard at the same time that I CAN COMPLETE ALL IN 3 HOURS AND WITH 100% ACCURACY!! =DD

I need to be cool and calm.

Ok nightss..

I just had my mock dispensing exam and the result is kinda disastrous. I still couldn't manage to finish 8 prescription in 3 hours. We need to do so or else we'll fail. I only manage to complete 5 and out of that, I only got 2 correctly. The remaining 3 is some silly mistakes that made me failed. Oh, we're not allow to made errors by the way, so mean it needs to be 100% correct.

Since this is just a mock, it reflects on how should I study for the actual one on this coming Tuesday. Mr John Sherwood saw me in a paranoid condition and he asked me to calm down LOL. Yah, I really am freaking out right now. Don't even feel like going to Uni actually but that's not something to be discussed *haha*.

I left with few more days before my actual dispensing. There's nothing more I could ask for beside passing this. Even Mr. John also said that this exam it's the greatest pressure most student felt so far, and failing it will be at an even greater pressure. This exam really is pressuring, you can feel the atmosphere is so tense on the day of the mock exam, and it'll be worst on the actual day, as said by Mr. John. Well, I really really really NEED to pass this exam. I know I need to manage my time properly and gain confident into this.

Let's pray hard together. I wish all the best to me and my classmates!

May God help us all.

Then after this exam, I'll be busy with lots of stuffs. My second 3500 words assignment is still on pending. *Remember how I did for the first time?? Stressful~* I've not started it yet and I was informed I'll be needing to submit around mid-April, which is less than a month from now *omg*. I hope I can really finish this by time as it's part of the work for my course. Then, I'll be having OSCE and Law Exam, lastly the final paper. Damn, there're lots of it, isn't it? Time is what I needed the most right now.

Man, I do want to pass this second year smoothly and fly off to UK this August. I only have one wish now, to pass all my exams and GRADUATE smoothly. I really need to put in lots of effort.

May God be with us all.

#prayhard

I've been feeling extremely stress lately and most of it is due to the dispensing exam that I'll be having soon, add on with another 3500 words report that I need to submit in April, which I've not start to do anything about it.

Well my purpose for this post today is to say something to 3 special girls I have in class (although I don't know if will they be reading this or not). I don't know if this is an one-sided feeling, but I'm definitely feeling something isn't going on very well between us.

Lately, I start finding myself to be left out. At first I thought it was a temporary event but apparently it's not. I'm starting to feel like I'm being an outcast. Honestly speaking, I don't really blend well with huge groups.

I seriously have no idea what I've done wrong, but if I did, I'm truly sorry to these 3 girls. Maybe everything starts off when we were thinking on where to stay while studying in the UK. Initially, I planned to stay with them, and if they agree, I'd start finding houses there or get an agent for us to do all the arrangements. Sadly, they rejected the offer of staying together die to personal reasons. I understand them entirely and respected their decision.

Then, I found out that 2 of them will be staying with my other classmates. At that instant, I was indeed feeling down but wasn't able to do anything though because I'm not that thick face to beg them to stay with me. They have their right to stay with whoever they wanted to.

I was sad because I thought we're close. I thought they'd be happy if we stay together because we did discussed about this long ago when we're still in level 1. I guess things changed according to situation.

So, that's how things got until today.

I spent days and times asking myself over and over again on what I've did wrong. Well to me, friends are my fighting spirits. Without these girls, I don't know where would I be. I don't call them special for nothing.

Each people definitely plays an important role in my life and I'll learnt something from them. What about enemies? Do I have one? Hmm.. Let's say there's no garden without its weeds. Literally, it means that nothing is perfect, each person do make mistakes. Some people did offended me in the past but as time goes by, I sort of forgiven them. I don't have the time to hate people that long, I find it pointless doing so actually.

So now, for these girls, I really don't know what I've done to make them react like now (ok I repeated that thrice already). Ok, maybe I did do something wrong which somehow indirectly offended them or one way and another. I would be happy if they could be frank with me. Let me know so I could changed. That's what I normally tell people. For now, I would like to use this opportunity to make my apology to them.

I really treasure them a lot. They did many things for me and I am appreciated and grateful for that. I can't bear to see how we got drifted apart day by day.

And about the staying in UK, after thinking for many days or maybe even weeks and, putting and considering everything together, I made myself believe that most probably they'll feel better staying with the other classmates. After all, they are close to each other, which from then I know where I stand.

Apart from my deepest apologies, I really need to thank all of them for being there for when I needed them last time. I am happy to get to know them and feeling fortunate to have them. Thanks! =)

This song is dedicated to them to extend my apology. I really hope there's something I can do to make up to them but maybe for now, this is how far I can go. *everyone is busy with studies*

CNY is over way long ago~

Sorry I was caught up with reports again that I couldn't manage to write a post.

Yea.. I've been thinking a lot lately too.

I'm starting to wonder where should I belong to. I don't find myself able to fit into the class like before. Not sure if I'm starting to be treated like an outcast. 

Well I'm the type who normally stays quiet and observe everything from a side. So that's what I found and feel based on my observation.

Honestly, I don't know what will happen to me once I'm in the UK. It looks like everyone has their own plans and obviously I can never be part of it lol.

Who would want others to be part in their life? Duh..

I hope I can really make it till the end. Fighting alone is never easy.
Although I prefer to solo most of the times but there're times I know it's not workable, this is not a game ><.

I'm so lost until I start to wonder if I've made the correct decision.
I know it's too late to turn back right now and all I have to do is moving forward.
But, along the path I'm walking right now I'm not sure if I could see anyone walking with me.

I hope they are people who's willing to be there for me.