I couldn't imagine my lie would turn into such a chaos right now.

Why does this keep happening??

Kat, I don't know what else to say after listening to everything you said. I believe no matter how hard I try now to get back or explain to you, you won't give me a chance right? So for not further hurting you, which you think I am, I'll just step back for a while until you cooled down. I don't want to trigger your emotion again. But my heart bleeds badly for what you've said, even now I can still feel the pain keep pierching into my heart.

Sometimes it gave me hard time to be myself. Both of you guys are my friend and obviously I want both of you guys to be together. For me, once a promise, always a promise. I said I'll go with you so just trust me, it's just the matter of time that you might need to wait and I'm truly sorry for letting you wait that long. I'm not trying to be quiet when you question me, I just need to think of a suitable way to reject Eric's offer. You know my character. I don't know how to be someone like you who can always tell a person straightly. All I want is to settle things peacefully. But I didn't imagine peace leads to destruction. I admire the way you handle things all the time, where you can always stood up and defend yourself, which I failed to do so.

I don't mind for everything you said nor I'll get mad. I take what you said to me and asked myself. I know people will speak out their thoughts, no matter good or bad when one is angry so I understand that and accepted what you said to me as a complement. Sincerely, thanks for telling me that I made other party thinks like that. But, honestly I don't have any intention at all.

You may think that I'm faking myself to be the good one to attain people's concern. It's up to you, if you want to think like that. From the bottom of my heart, all I can say is that, I like you, I really like you, Kat.

Hmm..

I was just wondering what will happen to a person, if he or she knows the true colours of his or her ex after they broke off?

Will they be surprise or will they get upset?

I so happen to know what was going on last year and I was absolutely surprise.

I somehow couldn't imagine it.

I'm indeed mad at first but later on after some extra details, I managed to cool myself down.

I just want to remain his good image in me, though after I realise how he behave.

I believe everyone has their own flaws, it's just the matter of fact that how many each person has.

People can say that I've been fooled or played by him, but I believe those who said do not know him well as compared to me. Maybe not too much, but a little will do.

I know his feelings for me is genuine that time, it's just that it didn't last long.

Well, the most important thing now is that it's over now.

The past will always remains as the past, hopefully there's no Deja Vu.

I believe by now, even though on and off I will get to know some of his news, some comments from friends about him, it maybe good and maybe be bad, and etc.

But, no matter what happen it's impossible for me to change my perception on him.

Because at that, I know my feelings are definite and real =)

有时候回想过去也蛮好的。

今天就自然而然的去他的profile看看他的消息。

心情自然而然也会跑到以前的我，不过至少现在的我能控制自己了。

他星期四post了这个上去，

“真希望把不愉快的事情都忘掉，真希望醒来之后什么都不记得，真希望我的生活可以过的比较精彩，真希望有人可以陪伴我，不再让我觉得原来这是黑暗”

没想到他也会有这样的想法。。

我没发任何评论，应该是觉得自己没那个资格了吧，也不想再烦他了。

不过，我的确是有话很想说。。

只想说。。

他其实并不是个很坏的男生，只是他还不懂得怎样去得人家的心。

他还不懂得怎样去好好珍惜一个女孩。

不是人家不要陪他，是他愿不愿意让那个人陪他。

我是可以陪他，可是他的所作所为让我觉得他一点都不在乎我。

他选择了离开，那我也没办法。

不管我花多少心思去想他，想尽办法挽留他，他永远都不会回来。

所以呢，不是人家不想陪，而是看他要不要那个人陪。

希望，他能想开点，成熟点。

现在，我们虽然比陌生人还尴尬，不过，我是不是都会关心一下他，祝福他有个好未来。

我不会为了他的所作所为而恨他，因为我从来都不懂怎样去憎恨一个人。

只是同情他这个人罢了。

不管怎样，过去就是过去了。

虽然还有一点点思念，不过那些思念只能收藏在心里。

思念里，只有我们开心的回忆，不开心的我也自然而然的把它给忘了。

我相信这样的话，他在我心目中的影响永远都是好的。

I try not to think so much

I try not to care so much

But, I just can't do it.

I couldn't imagine and accept what is happening around now.

Why things like that happen?

Why can't you guys or maybe one of you just be nice to each other?

Why will things get worst each time??

I seriously don't ask for more, I just want peace, you know?

I just want to see all of us get along with each other.

For my 20th birthday wishes,

1st wish: All of us can get along with each other

2nd wish: All of us can get along with each other

3rd: All of us can get along with each other

That's what I'm hoping and wishing for.

I used to wish for good results in studies for the past 19 years but not this time.

But somehow, I still can't see anything from it.

I really don't know what to do anymore.

I love you guys, really do but sometimes the more I love, the more disappointments I get in return.

I just hope to see another miracle in my life again.

First day in University.

I couldn't wake up or I should say I'm very lazy to get up ><

The moment I stepped out of the house, I start missing you guys so so much.

Just wish to go back into my room and start gaming, but I can't =(

A brand new life and a brand new day is ahead of me!

Let the by gone be by gone.

That's what I thought.

Jam for an hour before reaching Uni ==

Luckily I'm not late to my first class =)

Malaysian studies.

Hmm.. I wonder how is it like, a lot people said it's a boring subject.

Everything about Malaysia's history.

Well, to me it's just listen lots of lots of stories =)

English class~

OMG!!

Man are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

I never expect to be reading article related to relationship after recent incident.

But, it's a nice story.

So, the whole English class was about problems face in a relationship.

Hmm.. I'm starting to wonder is this some kind of a test??

Thanks my dear - Jenny

I'm glad that you're still here with me no matter what happened.

Though you're miles away from me but I can feel the warmth given out by you.

Thanks so much after a short call.

Looks like you really understands me well, very well and my needs.

Everything has been kept in my heart for so long and now they're all 'free'.

I'm just like a new born baby today, just hatched out from wherever I was and facing new things in life.

Yes! I should start my new life, a brand new one, in a brand new environment.

I'm finally feeling better.

I can't imagine my life without you.

Really thanks a lot!

Hoping to see you soon.

Love you always.......

Muackssssssss

A very special day today.

First of all, Happy Mother's Day to all the moms.

Secondly, Happy Birthday to myself.

Finally turns 20 today.

Nothing special to do on this day, just staying at home rotting.

Today's sucks.

I'm glad that I've made the right decision for deactivating my Facebook account.

Not much people wish me and I don't expect more.

I was happy at first when Kat sang Happy Birthday to me that I almost cried, but out of sudden, her mood changed which makes me feel so so bad again.

I really feel like crying on this day because I'm freaking tired right now.

I don't know what happened to me, just feeling very tired and feel like giving up myself.

They got into fight again and I don't know why.

Honestly, when I see that, I really don't need any wishes, I just hope everyone can just get a long together.

What is wrong with them? or is there something wrong with me?

Maybe Legend was right, I should just let them alone.

But don't know why, I just hate today and feel like crying the whole day after everything that happened to me.

I have to force myself to smile on today and saying I'm fine when people ask me how are you.

I realise that I've changed after what happened on 16th April 2011.

I couldn't believe I got the courage to ask Eric about the wallet I sent to him.

From what Eric said, he changed his wallet.

Guess what?

He's not using the one that I bought.

OK~ This is what I had in my mind when Eric told me.

I'm not sure whether is that his old wallet but according to Eric, he just change it.

Well.. I seriously have nothing to say at all.

I'm totally speechless.

He can really do what he wants and what he like.

I don't think I'm going to know anything about him anymore.

The more I know and ask, the more I'll get hurt.

Just like now!

Here goes again.

They start to get mad at each other and I'm standing in the middle don't know to do.

One side tells me this and that and the other side tells me that and this.

I keep trying to pull them back together, but not sure whether am I doing it correctly.

I really feel sad looking them like that, really really sad.

Why can't we just play at peace?

I prayed deep inside my heart.

I prayed between friendship and relationship, if I was given a chance to save one, I'm willing sacrifice my relationship.

It's not that I have get over with him, I haven't. I still misses him.

I think my prayer was heard. After my dinner, they were back together a little bit, at least they start talking to each other.

I seriously cannot take anymore if things keep like this.

Losing him already give me a strike and now friendship matters?? This will give me another big strike.

Since I already made my choice and I've chose them, I really have to let him go.

It's hurtful but I've got no choice.

Let's just hope what I wish for is really worth it.

Sigh..

Why do they have to start again??

Can't they stop fighting with each other??

The more they fight, the more they will make me remind of him.

Sometimes, I do wonder what will happen or what would I be if I have not listen to Virgil for going back to Perfect World.

I will not have a new account --> I will not know Kathy and Jaime --> I will not know Eric --> I will not know Darren --> I will not able to hear them fighting, or anyone gets moody.

Everything is a chain reaction.

This is the path I chose so no matter what I still have to go on with it.