I don’t feel my presence is that important anymore.

Maybe I'm wrong to say this but this is what i actually feel. I’m just a person who provides hope to the family. To be honest, i don’t think anyone likes me in the family. Well, sometimes they’re nice to me but not all the time. Maybe sometimes I'm wrong too but at least i feel guilty about the way i did.

Remembering my day for A night,  i get helped from my best friend for my preparation. She dress up for me and eventually changed the way i look. I can see her effort when some friends of mine can’t recognize me. But, the moment i met my parents, i saw them laugh sarcastically. What is that suppose to mean? Can’t their daughter be pretty for her night too? I asked them two times on how do i look, only they give me their comment. Since, parents are like this then i think there’s no need for me to say about my brothers.

I can’t see fairness here. OK, everyone would always say the world is not fair. I always try to ignore this statement because i believe that everyone will always get things equally as everything is based on our karma. Maybe getting prejustice is my karma that leads me to failure in getting family’s concern.

I always have to defend myself and that’s why some of my personality changed when I’m at home. I tend to be more fierce at home than outside. Even though people always say the closest relation we have will always be our family but i feels that friends show more concerns.

I really don’t want to further to complain or comment anything. I understand that no matter what happen, they’ll always my family. But, i hope someday they’ll understand how i feel. I’ve been observing everything for a long time already. Talking to them is useless cause they’ll never admit when they made mistakes.

Argh!! So confused these few days @__@. I also don’t really know what had gone into me, so not like me anymore Z_Z

Suddenly get so annoyed that i really don’t know what to do. Looks like i’m being emo lately XD. There’s a lot of things to think lately sigh..

Blaming myself for not able to help sigh. Best friend got cheated by bf and my comforting sucks!! Knowing her the longest time in my gang but can’t able to help sigh. I feel so useless~ I really don’t know what to do sigh. I totally understand her feelings but i can’t comfort her sigh…….

Get frustrated easily, feeling lonely even though the person who really in need is not me.

Having dinner with besties yesterday but my heart is empty. Feeling lonely yesterday, no mood to talk nor laugh or joke.

Too emo already!!!

Haiz…..

 

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

虽然我说了会像往常去上课，可是我做不到。。
虽然我说了我会努力读书，可是我做不到。。
虽然我说了要随缘，我依然做不到！！

虽然我的心里叫我停止，可是我办不到。每一天，都像看见他可是又怕会失望。可是，当他出现时，我不是觉得很开心，而是心烦，很乱，很想逃避，很想躲起来。当他走了之后，才松了一口气。见不到就失望，见到的时候就心烦，真是够奇怪。

今天，娴告诉我说她看见他。我顿时感觉到有个很大的石头压在我身上。我的心沉去了~开始烦了。
我不知道我到底喜欢不喜欢她，因为我们才刚认识。说一见钟情，我倒不信。还没了解一个人就喜欢他有点过头吧。也不知道他本人，怎么可以就这么轻易的喜欢上他呢？我每天都问自己这个问题。

我知道我的确没告诉有些朋友，就算他们是我的死党。不是我不想分享，只是不想去想这些东西。我知道很不公平，可是我不想再让自己受到伤害了。所以。。。。。

对不起~

Alas!! Test 2 is over.. Can’t wait to finish the physics practical and have lunch with a bunch of friends~ That Chemistry really can kill me, urgh!!! Anyway, I don’t want to mention anything about test now ^^

I don’t think i’m the only one who can’t do well in that physics practical. Some of my classmates skipped it, how dare they!!! Doing that practical in a sleeping mode, plus we have to do some oscillation, that’s really going to hypnotize us lol~

Time’s ticking, and i still haven’t complete my report T_T. Then, Sean came in, get a bit energetic again so quickly complete it XD. She told me that they’re going to KLCC. Hmmm.. I can’t go there, but she’s so kind and cancel it and decide to have lunch with me and of course with Terence, Elly and Yen Yee ^^. Well, See Yee and Neo also follow us so try to imagine all of us squeeze into a old version Proton Saga =D.

Damn squeeze!! But I think i’m bad enough that i’m playing Terence’s ipod ><. Sad to say that i’m a game freak haha..

So… I don’t know where Terence drove us, cause my attention is just on the game, Uno plus i can’t even see hehe.. I just know we reached a place where there’s a mini Carrefour.

We enter a Taiwan restaurant~ Guess what, the food is soo cheap, hmm is better to say that it’s worth the price. We called a set meal and there’s definitely some side dishes, and the ginseng soup or whatever medicine soup taste……….. yuck! Bitter~~ I can bear bitterness but not this T.T. See Yee just asked me to finish it to recover back all my stamina. Yea she’s totally right ^^

After finish eating, we had some shopping at an accessories shop, then only head back to college. I didn’t buy anything cause purse is empty hehe.. But, I like one of the necklace a lot =(

Fate pulled us to meet each other
but....
Fate didn't pull us to be together

I think i have been quite carried away lately, especially after A night. I know it's sounds crazy but i can't imagine that i really did all those thing. Looking here and there to find his presence, purposely go to a particular place just to see him, get very up set if he's not in sight and etc.

These are the worst things that i had ever done. This ain't me. I can't believe that i ruined my own mind. Everything seems to be so complicated now. I think i have gone too far or beyond the limit. However, i still don't understand why. You can't meet the person that you're eager to but you meet the person that you're not eager to. Meaning that, I can't see him lately even though i analyse his time table, but i keep seeing his friend lol.

Sometimes it really sucks to some people but i believe that's the fate. I can't give myself an answer whether can i accept it, but i really hope things won't go like that. So i've been thinking of a solution for this situation everytime.

Today, I just got my solution or perhaps answer. So, my conclusion is just let what it suppose to be. I believe i'll never know what lies ahead of me. Something bad or something good to be is all decide by the god.

If i have a time machine, i just hope i can go back to the past and correct things just like in the movie of "17 again"

My sis told me to watch a video from You tube, and luckily i did not refuse to do so =). I found a few hilarious video from the same producer. This is the first time i can laugh with my tears, after a long long time of tension and pressure =).

The video is a movie created by nigahiga for a few minutes. You can say is something like a synopsis of a movie lol~ I feel that it'll be funnier if you watch the actual movie because in this video they did edit some part so knowing the actual story will know what they're actually doing..

Well then, sit back and relaxed =).
*Open up your ear to understand what they say, trust me, you'll not regret =)*


Twilight




Titanic




Harry Potter




This is the current issue where Rihanna is beaten by Chris Brown, and this video tells you why =)








So how's the video?? Maybe some people may say it's sucks or lame but it's really funny to me =D

My life changes after entering college..

Everyone told me that they prefer college life but to me is nothing but only pressure =(

I still enjoy my secondary life and hopefully one day I can go back there and study again but.... is impossible.

Every time or perhaps everyday I always see my classmates taking books out to study. I was like what the hell, books again?? Studying the whole time definitely not my style.

I'm a playful person that only seeks for entertainment. How do I score in SPM?? Easy to say, it was all last minute studying, burning the midnight oil every time =).
I know I must delete this habit but I still love to play!~~

Besides that, many problems pop up in front of me and I have to face it one by one. At first is problem related to friendship. I believe that's the worst of all until now.

Second is my own personal problem, something relating to my love story~ I think those who know me will know what is it =X.

Third! This is also another hurting one. I just had and accident lol~ I don't want to mention anything about that for now as I'm still facing that trauma even though I'm not the driver. People who knows me will understand it.

For my besties who want to know, you can ask Mei Yin or Ai Ling about it =). Just that I'll be crying if you want me to remember that day.

Maybe Elly and I are having the same thoughts that we prefer secondary life. I'll rather wear those unfashionable uniforms that keeping myself sad and being pressurized the whole time.