Am I prepared for the worst??

2011 is going to an end and 2012 will visits me soon. It's a happy thing though that one year finally passed. Hmm.. why don't everyone try to recall back what had happened for this pass 12 months. Sad, bitter, sweet or sour?

Well here's my summarized story.

1. I was in a relationship for the first time, it's nice and sweet of course.
2. Bonds between me, Kat, Jaime, Eric and Leg somehow seems stronger. (I suppose)
3. Bought presents for my boy.
4. I hate my work but I met nice colleagues.
5. I got myself enrolled to SEGI and I'm extremely happy because I can stop my work and I miss study.
6. Bf and I don't turn out to be good, at last we broke off.
7. Silly me crying over day and night and asked for recover, despite I'm the one who give him the choice.
8. Kat and I got into a big fight, which then leads to the end of our good friendship.
9. Pre-class starts.
10. Cannot hold on any feelings anymore, Jenny called me from Australia and I burst into tears immediately. I really miss her so much.
11. Trip to Malacca with ODF.
12. I found out that Eric, ex's bro likes me but not deciding to go for it, though I have a slight feeling for him.
13. Pre-class ends 
14. Holiday for a month, just sitting in the room with my laptop on for online game.
15. Trip to Langkawi cancelled due to fight with Kat.
16. Mpharm class starts, too nervous.
17. Met my new classmates
18. First outing together to Sunway Pyramid for ice-skating.
19. Many outings, movies, lunch etc.
20. Busy with reports and test
21. Christmas Party in SEGI, stressed out myself for that party and turns out to be wonderful.
22. Realise my feelings for him, bought present and gave him as Christmas gift.
23. Got hurt by him but then we are still friends, so decide not to tell first.
24. Busy with reports everyday.
25. New year eve with Jenny and Chun Foong
26. End of year 2011

Here's mine, so what's yours??

If you think you have not done a perfect one for 2011 then make it for 2012, don't wait until you regret.

Time wait no one =)

Broken dream's

broken dream's 

Hoping someday you'll see me

Sky is grey

sky is grey

But i'm dancing in the rain

Live this way

live this way

Will you remember my name?

Live a lie

live a lie

Why don't ask you ask yourself why?

Don't you open your eyes?

Only the moon

only the moon

Will hear my plea

Only the creatures of the night, will harmonize with me

Missed you so 

missed you so

And i wonder if you know

The wind has blown me in the corner 

and it's hard to let go

That's the story

That's the story of you and me

Find someone that isn't afraid to admit they miss you. 

Someone that knows you're not perfect but treats you as if you are. 

Someone who couldn't imagine losing you. 

Someone who gives their heart to you completely. 

Someone who says I love you and proves it. 

Last but not least, 

find someone who wouldn't mind waking up to you in the morning, 

seeing your wrinkles and grey hair but still falls in love with you all over again.

Letting go, even if it hurts, doesn't mean you 

have to let go of everything. 

You just have to let go of the person and your feelings 

for her/him but the memories will always be there 

whether it's good or bad. 

Because everytime you remember those memories, 

it will always put a smile into your heart. 

And be glad that once in your life this person 

made you happy and put colors into your 

Life even if it's just for a while.

Wait for the boy who pursues you. 

The one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical; 

the kind of boy who brings out the best in you and 

makes you want to be a better person. 

Wait for the boy who will be your best friend; 

the person who will drop everything to be 

with you at any time of the day no matter 

what the circumstances. 

Wait for the boy who makes you smile 

like no other boy makes you smile, 

and when he smiles you know he needs you. 

Wait for the boy who wants to 

show you off to the world when you are in 

sweats and have no makeup on, 

but appreciates it when you get all dolled up for him. 

And most of all, 

wait for the boy who will put you at the center of his universe, 

because obviously he's at the center of yours.

Spent my Christmas eve in cinema watching, MI4!! ><

Oh yea Tom Cruise~ He's so hot despite he's quite old now ><

Oh! and I think I just found my new dream car in that movie .

Here it is.........

BMW i8

For more of it visit HERE

I don't know but it is damn cool. It's a concept car, but since they said it will be on the market in 2013, I shall just wait and see =))

Merry Christmas!! 

Tomorrow is Christmas. I wonder how am I going to celebrate this special day. Well I did celebrate in SEGI  with lecturers and friends.. 

Hmm.. Anyway, just hope it would be a fun one =)

Everyone was too boring, exhausted from doing report so the 4 of us started playing some kids games ><

It just too hard to defeat Lourene. She's too strong ><

Ok! I deactivated my twitter account but activated it back on the same day, funny eh?

Today, I saw Bob Bob and Derrick keep tweeting on telling their special someone that they miss them. I wanted to join but I can't =(

Actually, all I want to say is that, I'm also having the same feelings as how they feel. Yea.. It sucks when you like a person and you keep denying it. That's how the 3 of us feel it right now. I know I've already admitted but still when other people ask me, maybe I will just say 'no'? Hmm.. And it's true that how nice if we can tell that person that you miss him/her. It would be the best if they reply telling you that they miss you too, but it seems quite hard, as all of us are facing one-sided love right  now.

Anyway, let's wish all the best of luck to the 3 of us =)

''What's done is done, what's gone is gone. One of life's lessons is always moving on. Getting over a first love, dealing with heartbreak, dealing with death and dealing with life. It's ok to look back and think of fond memories, but keep moving forward and you will live your life happily."


"When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn't mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over."


Adapted from Best Quotes.

Happy Winter Solstice to everyone!!

Finally after so long, got the chance to have my dumplings, taste good ><

Sadly, I'm too full that time after I drink a bowl of soya (mom wanted to make a change so put soya), I feel like puking. But, it's still nice!!

Oh and olden people say, the more rice balls you eat, the older or matured you get. Hmm.. Is this true or do you even believe it?
Well to me, it's just another desert to taste on =)

I'll just keep this tiny feelings of mine deep inside my heart until the day I'm ready to tell him what I want to.

What's done is done, what's gone is gone. One of life's lessons is always moving on. Getting over a first love, dealing with heartbreak, dealing with death and dealing with life. It's ok to look back and think of fond memories, but keep moving forward and you will live your life happily.

Read our conversation content from yesterday and realise I've been acting badly. I'm just too sensitive. Funny, I don't use to be like that, I wonder what changed me. Maybe the past. After every unpleasant incidents that happened on me, I can feel that I'm no longer the one I used to be.

I've become a very sensitive person, even to my good friend who love to joke.

I'm just feeling guilty for behaving like that. Though we apologise to each other but the feeling of guilt in me can hardly fade. I'm so scared to face him right now when uni reopens. Sigh.... What should I do?

You forgive me for liking you too much,

And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so,

And I'll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,

And I'll forgive you for not hearing it. 

You forgive me for playing your games,

And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for finding you so attractive,

And I'll forgive you for not noticing.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,

And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,

And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,

And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,

And I'll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace.

Do we have a deal?

He doesn't know it..

I can't tell him but......... Just now I think I almost said it out or have he already found out?

It's sad that he prefer calling me that but what can I do? I'm nothing to him. It just aches inside.... Never mind, I'll bear this pain again once more.

Heart sank................

I can never replace that girl..

Never mind, I've been thinking too much all the while. Let's just let my brain rest for the moment. In 2 weeks time I promise myself to stay some distance from him. Need to control myself.... 2 weeks time for me to adapt.

Yea.... I'm just only your friend.

Finally, everything's over - the test, party and the gifts I planned to give.

Best day in Uni ever where you're accompanied by so many people until the middle of the night. I'm so glad that everyone was having a lot of fun. Special thanks to Zac, JD, Lourene, Celine, Derrick, Anchalee, Adelyn, Matthias and Agilan for making this a successful and splendid Christmas party. Though each person only has a small duty to do, but without any of them, this party will definitely get into chaos.

The most interesting part is that I'm really touched by their expressions when I gave them the gifts. It doesn't matter to me if they want to give me back a gift, it's really just from the bottom of my heart that I wanted to give them. Hmm.. I don't know how to express the feelings I'm having right now, but seriously I'm really happy and touched when each person hugs me and say thank you, and that's enough for me, I don't need more than that.

And, I'm really really really glad that he likes it. So worried that he'll think that I shouldn't spent money on buying things for him. I'm not doing that for a motive, it's just out of sincerity that I wanted to give him. Or.......... maybe......... hmm........... well...... doesn't matter anyway, don't think it will happen. As long he's happy, I'm happy.

My heart is feeling so contented right now =)

Song of the day:

Test~! Finally over...... phewwwww.. tiring.. No mood to eat this morning and lunch, just had a drink at Starbucks, ends up hungry and tired now.

Test results...................... I pass!! but................. not that good *TT* A significant drop in my results~ Sad, but I know there're others who are more sad than me. Good luck guys! and to my dear L <3, you sure can pass this Friday~ If you pass (getting more than 85), I'll treat you eat Korean foods ><. That's my promise~!

No time for me to retake the test as I have reports and Christmas event to settle. Never mind, let's just do this and once for all!

Muscular skeleton (on muscle) --> muscular skeleton (on joint) --> central nervous system (introduction) --> central nervous system (neurotransmitter)

With all these, I can feel my head is spinning. CNS on neurotransmittre..... one word... *vomit blood*. I have no idea what is all about, all I know is the neurotransmitter, and then something about their pathway which I don't understand a single thing, too many terminology for brains which makes me almost go cuckoo . Now if I try to recall what I've read, I will go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm................. *thinking of what is this and that* 

Tomorrow's the test!! It's finally here LOL.. I need to pass for this first time, so I can continue doing my things especially preparation for Christmas party (coming this Friday) which also gives me another headache. *breath in, breath out, you can do it Nicole* Alright!! I will do my best and pass it and once for all saying goodbye to the test!!~~

OK! time to go back to cardiovascular system 1, 2 and 3 @.@

"当一切结束后，我们可以回到以前的我们吗？你走你的，我走我的..."

Can we ever go back to normal after everything ends? You walk your path and I walk mine..

Finally done with 2 reports, but there're 9 more to go TT. This means that I can't really rest~ I have to complete one more, dateline is on Monday and having test on Tuesday ==" Wow.. I think I'm going crazy soon.. Oh yea and I need to prepare for Christmas party.. Oh gosh, so many things to settle yet so little time =( Never mind, I know I can do it =) Pray hard for me to pass the test on Tuesday, 80% and above!! I must score it~~ Oh and by the way, I resigned few days ago, so now I can fully concentrate on uni stuffs =)

********

Don't feel like Twitter is a place for me to hangout anymore. The more I visit that page, the more confuse I get. Sigh, why such things happen to me?? I hate this feeling, but it won't detached from me =( please go away will ya?? >< I really don't want to think of other things anymore, it's just so hurtful to me and I don't know why. 

I'll move one step behind each day, so make sure you don't move one step closer

I can just be your friend, not more than that........

I had a superb weird dream today == so weird that I don't know how to explain.

I like it, but I can't accept it, not I don't want but I can't. Just feeling that I'm still not good and capable in accepting what's happening in my dream, so kinda pity but no choice =)

Sigh.. I went out of control again today. Just seems hard to control my temper nowadays. Is it too stress?? Yea, maybe. Too many things in my mind right now and I just realise I lost my new calculator, which really pissed me off so much. It's life span is just less than a month and now it's gone. You know how sad it is?? But still, it's my fault for simply throwing my tantrum. Sorry guys that I show my temper =(

Stress + tired = frustrated.
I'll try to control next time. For now, let's just hope my calculator will come back to me.

I heard he said, 'my girl friend'. ==

Is he joking or being serious? I know he loves to joke but this..... hmm..

Well yeah, it's not possible that he's single with such character. Sigh...

Eh!! Why am I sighing?? <.< *slap face* wake up Nic, come back~.. You still got a lot of things to think.. No time for such things...

Well.. then good luck and happy life to you =)

Sigh.. I shouldn't have apply for a job as pharmacist right now. I couldn't see what's coming through when I went and ask for my application again. Now I'm kinda regret. I really feel like quitting the job but I know mom won't allow me to. She keep saying, she's going to retired, income not enough, this and that. But sometimes, frankly speaking, she don't know what situation I'm in. Maybe to her, I don't understand her situation as well.

Sigh.. I really don't know what should I do. I have lots of things to settle before I can really rest myself. Now, I'm like killing my brain cells everyday. Test is just around the corner, I have lots of reports to do and submit before deadline, I need to plan for Christmas event which is also just around the corner, where things don't seem to be ready and I need to work (only on Saturday for the time being). Just because mom ask me to work, so I have to go and now I ends up like this. Today, Lourene helped me to text my manager or supervisor, saying that I'm not available until 18 December. I do hope she allows that though I just work for a day. That's when everything's settled down and I finally have nothing on my mind except work. I really really hope she can understands my situation. Now, I'm just waiting for her reply, as I don't feel like working this Saturday. Maybe, after CNY I would quit that job as final exam is coming and I actually dislike my working place. I couldn't believe myself that I fall sick right after I got home from work.

Worst come to worst would be, she'll just 'fire' me. Well, I don't mind actually and it's ok for me if I don't get my pay for last Saturday. No point working so hard in a place that you don't really like right? Funny thing is, why am I so determine to work in the first place. I think because the person that I submit my application to said I can work for like maybe 6 hours. I'm really fine with that but honestly not 8 hours. I can do lots of things with that 2 hours.

Well, just pray she'll reply me tomorrow and agree with me. I feel bad when I tell her like that. It's like I'm not being serious in this job. Too bad is what I can say for choosing the wrong timing and act without thinking.

希望这一切都是错觉......
不想再有烦恼了！加油！

Log in to Mahara, https://portfolio.sunderland.ac.uk/

Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 3:

Step 4:

Step 5:
The location of your file is where you save it. If the 'Choose File' is not highlighted, then click 'No file chosen' to get the open file box.

Step 6:

Step 7:

Under 'View Decription', enter your Name, Student ID (can be Segi or Sunderland or both), Title (eg, acid and base 3 or kinetic) and date

Step 8:

Step 9:
This is how it will look in the end..You will be able to see a submit button at the bottom of your title, which is from this picture it would be 'Lab 9 - Acid and Base -  Tan Pei Ching.

That's all I know about in. You can always edit anything by clicking those edit button. Tell me if I'm doing any mistakes~ we're learning too~
Credits go to Lourene and Jie Rong for asking teacher =)

The nearer you are to me, the more confuse I will be.

That's the only thing I would like to say to you but I don't have the courage. Not because I hate you or I'm mad about you, it's just a thing that I couldn't figure it out.

I like your humour and I like talking to you. The only thing I don't like about you is, don't give me this uneasiness feelings. Maybe I'm the only who's feeling like this but still I dislike it. But, if you're away and that's when I'm feeling lonely.

Ok! This is a total mess up of feelings I have now. It's not that I have any interest in you nor I would, someday. It's just that I simply like your presence. Maybe, I shall tell myself, hey girl! chill and don't think so much.

Yea, maybe I'm thinking too much right now. But, if you're still going to make one step closer, then I will move one step behind. I know I will miss your presence but that's the only way I can do.

So many things did happen recently. I don't know how and where to start from. All i know is that, I can feel the bond between us (classmates) are getting stronger each day. Maybe it's due to some incidents that some of us starts to fight for our rights. Though we're no match for him, but still WE WILL ALWAYS REMAIN STRONG =)

This incidents really let me realise who is the one to be trusted and who is not. Sad and disappointed to say that you'll never expect someone will back stab you like that one day. Human beings are really scary sometimes as you won't be able to predict their thoughts and movement. Their mood can just change in just a flip of second and I guarantee that most of the time, we will get annoyed. Anyway, it's quite childish to talk with someone who only thinks he's right and still asking us to be considerate on his situation. What about us then?

Gladly I met new friends who are trustworthy so far. I prefer to keep myself low, but if anything were ever happen to my friends, I will not step down but of course I won't act wildly, I still know my circumstances =)

This incident introduce twitter to me. At first I dislike twitter as I find it boring where everyone tweet of what they're doing, which is not my type since I prefer being low profile. But, I missed out so many things and so something just trigger me to create an account and start tweeting like mad. It's really hard to understand at first but later on i realise it's just like replying emails to friends. Nice and funny classmates I have that really brighten up my day all times =)

Too many things keep bothering my mind today.

I lost my calculator~ Sigh… I’ve been thinking for the whole day where did I put it, but I failed. I checked everywhere and yet I still can’t find it. It’s not cheap to buy a new one, cost around 50 bucks just for one.

Can’t even concentrate when Ms. Audrey ask me back the question I’m asking (she’s actually giving hint to me). Don’t know where my mind went to after I realise I lost my calculator. Sad, pathetic. I know I shouldn’t be upset on such small thing but I’ve never lost my calculator and it’s not something that you say means buy. I don’t mind if it’s an eraser or ruler, but not a calculator =(

Then, I got to know I don’t have the notes for tomorrow’s lecture. I thought Sandy and the others will message me but they forgot, which just bother me even more. Now where and how am I going to get the notes for tomorrow’s lecture. Why did they forgot about me? =(

Luckily, Vivian post on group asking if anyone needs the notes. When I sign in to my email, only to realise that Suzanne had mail me the notes around 10pm, and it was almost 12am now. Sigh……. I think I just jump into a conclusion so quickly for today. Even now, I’m still thinking about my calculator. Hope I can find it asap =’(

Finally!!!!!!!
I can just relax a while. I've been really busy lately, studying, revising, going for class.
What can I say for this week? Test just over 2 days ago but still I need to complete all my lab reports. I think there are 3 of them *sigh*. A few days break but can't really enjoy much, don't really feel good. But still I'm glad that I know how to enjoy.

Finally got to watch Real Steel yesterday. Everyone said it was so nice, awesome, cool bla bla bla. Too bad I don't have time last time but now I have! Well, it's really awesome and nice, just like what everyone said. Hmm.. Is it because I'm watching with a group of friends who cheer and scream throughout the whole movie plus with its sound effect, or the movie is way too awesome itself that I feel like I'm watching live?? Maybe both of it xD It's tiring after the movie that I got stuck in a traffic jam for an hour before reaching home.

Today, my first time staying back so late in Segi. I've decided to help Jia Qi in her test so I got to stay back and give her a test. At the same time I can complete my lab report too. Well nice to say doing lab report, but I know I've been talking and singing while doing the work. Best thing is, we actually had dinner in the library! Shh... There's of course this big sign board saying, Strictly No Foods Allowed, but who cares? It's another tiring day but it's nice. If anyone ask me to stay back until this late again, I think I'll need to consider as it's really tiring, no joke!

Well, the best part is, I CAN FINALLY GO GET MY LAP TOP BACK~! Damn, I miss it so much. It have been away from me for 3 weeks? or 2? Hmm.. Anyway, it's long~~~~ Tomorrow! I will go and get it. I do hope it won't give me anymore problems, and hope that computer guy will do what he promised to do for me and the MOST IMPORTANT THING, I won't lost my data! This is extremely important! I did make a backup but still I don't want it to go missing from the orginal place =)

Alright, got to sleep~ Going to get my lap top tomorrow~~~

I was so excited when class end today because we decided to go to a costume shop to rent a Santa suit for JD. But, never did I realise I made mistakes due to my carelessness.

Two cars were going there but before that we had lunch at Wong Kok, Sunway Giza. Thank god they have set lunch so it won't be that expensive since everyone is under budget. Here is where I made my first mistake. I accidentally ordered the wrong food for Suzanne. So, at the end she got no choice but to eat it up. It struck me hard when she said it's for sick people to eat such food (it's a meal with rich and soup together in a bowl). But later on she said she's fine with the food. I know it's quite sad when you're unable to eat what you desired. Even though one person may say no worry about that but I know how deeply they don't want to. So I end up treating her since I ordered it wrongly.

It was 1.50 pm that time and their class starts at 2.45 pm. Now we need to somehow rush to the costume shop. Here's where I made my second mistake. Due to rush, I set the GPS wrongly and it lead us to a housing area. All of us made one big circle only I realise we're not heading to our destination. Evan was driving and follow me. I bet he's mad or something. He gave me the feeling that he's a straightforward person, so everything he does is somehow straightforward, even things he say?

 I felt so sorry that I leaded the wrong way. That shop is actually not far from Giza but due to misdirection it ends up being so far and we're running out of time. In the end, we managed to book the suit but the guilt I had is still with me despite whatever they said about Evan for being like that.

I don't really know why but whenever it comes to friends I can't bear to make them upset. Alright, maybe they're not upset but I just did something wrong to them and it will certainly hurt me. It's funny to think like that but this is how I feel all time. It really don't matter to me when it comes to family. I don't know why but maybe I set friendship as my first priority before family though I know I shouldn't. Maybe I'm not matured enough to think that family will always there for me. Is it because the way my family treat me is not what I want and that's why I'm thinking like that? Hmm...

I'm really trying to get over with what happened just now but when people mentioned it, it will automatically reminds you. And now, with my lots of QQ-ing in Facebook, Zac is almost pissed? Sigh.... Am I too stubborn to let things go? What will I be in the future after I become a pharmacist, if my this character continues? Will I be upset with every patient's condition for not treating them well?? I hope I won't.

Sometimes people feel that I'm mad when I don't talk
Sometimes people feel that I'm emotional when I don't talk
Sometimes people assume I'm not around when I don't talk
Worst would be
I gave the people the feeling that I'm being cocky when I don't talk?

Hmm..
Well maybe sometimes I'm not satisfy with something so I refuse to talk.
But most of the time I was just keeping myself low.
I don't like to show myself too much to people. Isn't it better to just keep quiet than to say something you're not sure about?

I prefer helping people in my own way - using the behind door technique
Sometimes people won't even know I'm the one who do them a favour.
Don't really mind if the credit ends up in other people, as long as someone solved their issue, that'll be my main concern.
But, still I'll always try to open my hands to people who are in need and if I'm really capable in helping them.

So guys! I like to keep myself low =)

Busy, hectic life start walking into my life. I'm really not used to it. I just feel like part of me is already gone.

I used to keep playing all the time, from day to night and now I have to study from day to night. Entertainment.. Hmm I need to create or make one for myself. It's sad that I have less online gaming right now.. I miss Elaine, Jay and JS, but sometimes I really don't feel like going back to FW. Reason - I don't know what to do in there???

Now my head is full with those medical terminologies~~~~ Bondings which I'm apparently so blur now @.@ and my anatomy........ I've forgotten many terms *sigh* *sad* *sob*
Daddy said, Nicole, you need to brush up all your human body parts. Such basic things and yet you forgot. TT

I really really do hope I can pass and graduate from this course successfully. But it's kinda scared when thinking about me in the future ><

Sometimes I do feel like an outcast.
Is it because I don't know how to fit in?
No.. No matter how I try I just find it so hard to mix it.
I just got the feeling I'm the extra.
Or am I jealous???

But.. I can't stand the way people treat me too or should I say extremely nice. It will just make me feel guilty.
Because knowing that I can no longer be there for them and yet they're treating me nice, somehow makes me feel I'm the bad guy for leaving them.

I'm sorry but I don't know what to say. I believe you guys can go on without me.

感情越深，伤害的会更深

Time flies... It's already in the month of September now!!
Having a break now, seriously doing nothing, just staying at home keep starring at my computer.

Things get even bored after I finished watching 3 seasons of Shugo Chara - Shugo Chara, Shugo Chara Doki and Shugo Chara Party!

Shugo Chara

Shugo Chara Doki

Shugo Chara Party

However, for my recoomendation, just watch the first two seasons will do. Party is just too boring and masny extras like the cosplay girls and some piuchi short story. Just wasted 10minutes onthe whole episode. Of course I will not watch those, but I believe everyone just want the animation and not some fillers LOL.

Well, after this anime I've got nothing else to do an simply watching boring anime until I start watching Fairy Tail!!!!!!!!!

This anime is really touching all time. Telling us how important a guild is and the bond between every guildmates. (p/s: those who play online game will understand the feelings and importance of it xD)

Fairy Tail

Shugo Chara is good as well. It mostly emphasize on individual's potential, like not giving up hope in ourselves, kinda like motivation anime actually =)

Well, both animes are really nice. It just depends on individual's taste. 

So that's how I'm going to spend my break xD

Have you ever imagine the feeling of knowing someone who is more or less like you, and the next day you just got to know that he left?

It's awful, really really awful.

Daniel Huh Joon <----------- YOU'RE SUCH A BIG BULLY ><

He's a very nice person, just that not everyone understand him maybe and that's why many people hate him and he got many KOS =X

To me, he's the one that bear the most characters I have, and I think that's why we are able to tease each other so much. But, who knows one day he just left and without saying a thing. I don't know what else to say. Though he said I was not around that time but I just can't accept it.

But to him, who am I to care about his whereabouts so much?

I think it's just sad for me to lose a friend like that. Not to say losing but having less contact than usual and that's seriously hard for me to take it.

Oh yea~ it's finally in the month of August!!!!

One more month before my course starts <3

Anyway, there's still lots of things I need to prepare, hopefully I can cope and manage it *may god bless me*

Well, was having a few conflicts with my siblings lately due to their irrational attitude and behaviour *sigh*

I really do not know what am I suppose to do to make them understand that what they're doing is not helping themselves.

Fine, I think I should just let them be what they want and don't care about them.

Hmm.. I keep thinking that I lack of few things around me. Well, it's not to say I can't buy it, I can but I need!!! I've been spending quite a lot lately, besides if the Korea trip is planning as usual then my expenses will be more *budget! budget! money! money!*

But still, how nice if I can have bags for myself。

Maybe something like this, so I can use it for shopping or any outings?? I love to carry lots of things with me so the bigger the better but of course not too big!!

and... maybe I could get a fashion harvest bag, where I can bring it to class??

Honestly, too many things <3

How nice if I have my personal fitness instructor??

I miss my running lifestyle. I'm just too lazy to go out and jog alone, it's boring at the same time. At least if I have someone to motivate and inspire me, I believe I won't have problem getting myself out from the house.

Talking about fitness instructor, I wonder how is he doing?

I hope he's doing fine right now. Maybe he's busy with his work for instructing people on how to get fit? *lol*

But still, no news from him since last week. Don't really know what's he up to but no reply for any message I sent =(

So sad..

Too bad I was so busy that time when he contacted me and now he's busy??

Just hope he'll take care of himself and I got to see him again.

I just searched some cute animes to set as my pc's picture..

Is it cute????????? Yea I know it is =)

This is pretty~ <3

Hmm man, I got to choose one, but I'm undecidable ><

Maybe I can use it change it alternately every month =D

That's a brilliant idea. Nicole, Nicole look how smart you are =X

Oh ya, my line is pissing me off lately. Not knowing what happen to it, that I keep getting massive lags and disconnected numerous times while playing Forsaken World =(

It's really upset and tons of calling to 100 have been done.

I do hope they really can come up with a solution to it and not to slack just because it's their fasting month now <.<

Alright peeps, got to go, time to sleep~

Nitezzz and latesss..

*may god bless us all =)*

9th of July 2011

No one could imagine such thing will happen again after the 13th May 1969 incident.

This is something like that but people are more rational this time.

Democracy for a next clean election in some part of Malaysia, mainly Kuala Lumpur and other countries such as Singapore, London, Taiwan, Thailand etc.

Bersih 2.0

Rallies

The government

*sigh*

Not sure who's at fault this time because both parties will definitely have their own opinions.

Something sad is that most people blame Bersih 2.0 for road blocks because road blocks caused massive traffic jams. But this had nothing to do with them. Let's just think this way, who wanted to set road blocks and why do they need to set road blocks? Ok fine, if no road blocks done, people will gather together to protest. The question is why don't they let people voice out what they want? Democracy is people's right, right? Besides, why in the first place the stadium don't let Bersih do what they want? If the stadium is open, then such thing won't occur. Now, he's saying that stadium is offered but Bersih reject, accoding to Chinese Press, what the hell is he talking or maybe the media made some mistakes??

Hmm.. I don't really know what will happen in the future. Just hope for the best now. Malaysia is indeed a beautiful country, but political aspects...... I have no comment at all.

I think it's been quite some time since I last blog. So let's come back to where I suppose to be.

Life still have to move on no matter what happened in the past. So I started my preparatory course for Pharmacy in May and just ended last Friday. It's awesome to get to know each of them and of course together with all the lovely lecturers. I still need to go uni now for Malaysian and Moral studies, which I can use one word to describe it - BORED

Anyway, I manage to get along with my classmates and it's really fun.

While in FW, there's always new people. I got to meet some new friends and they're nice to me, I suppose. I'm happy to get to know them, but some of them are freaking me out so I try my best to not keep contact with them. Sorry to say, but I'm still a girl who fantasize in cyber world. That's who I am =) *peace*

Have you ever imagine that sometimes your life will be full of surprises?

A friend of mine keep asking me to believe what he said but I refuse and keep saying it's impossible. It never came into my mind that it turns out to be possible. Now everything is like OMG?

Anyway, I'm happy with that surprise. Nothing much to comment, my heart just feel content with it. I believe it's only up to this extend, no more than it. I don't want to see a good thing turns out to be bad so I'll try to maintain that surprise at that stage. But I'm thankful to the person who gave me this surprise, I will appreciate it.

LOL =)

What can I say about this trip? Hmm..
Awesome! Splendid! Wonderful... I just can't put any words to describe it because it's really great.

10 of us went for this trip - me, Ai Ling, Mei Yin, Ming Ling and her boy, Ken, Wen Ee, Xin Yee, Hey King, Ah Boon and Weng Hong.

We had a great time together at there. We stayed at d' Amour, one of the villa at A Famosa. The villa is not that grand but it's nice and most important thing it can accommodate all of us. There's enough space for us to walk up and down, and we got our own swimming pool!!! The water is clean but we don't have the chance to use it, so that's too bad.

So apparently, we went to the water park once we checked in. It's been so long since I last went to a water park with them. It's really a unforgettable moments at there. We tried all rides, some are bored and some are challenging, especially the one we need to go 90 degrees down xD. The worst part is, we need to climb a lot of stairs to reach to the top and many of us was injured. But what can I say? It's just worth it!

Ok dinner time! That will be our steamboat! Well, we kinda break the rules at there xD but we didn't know and brought all the ingredients for it, so we just have to continue our plan.

I didn't know how much they bought until we arranged it. It's like WOW! and was wondering can we ever finish all of it. They guys said they can finish it but I doubt that. There's simply too many meatballs and I think all of us was sick of it already. Anyway, we managed to finish those meatballs, some squid and vege by playing games and punishment for it is to EAT.

The next day, we went up to Malacca and I bring them around town area. Though my hometown is at there but I didn't help much. I also lost my way there ><. Everyone was so tired due to the hot sun and I can feel that I was having a migraine. No choice but to bear it until the end of the day.

Many things happen during this trip and I'm very happy with it. I really enjoyed and relaxed this time until I forgot that I have homework to do. Well, people always say enjoy to the max, so I think this is what I should do and just leave any works aside.

It was already almost to midnight when I reached. After unpacked everything and take a bath, I just dozed off. Too tired and that migraine is making me sick, luckily I got my Panadols with me .

I really hope we can make another trip again! =)

Oh yeah~ Finally got the chance to watch movie today. It has been so long since I l last watch a movie in cinema.

Tada... Watching X-Men: First Class..

I love the way Prof. Xavier handle things and of course how he court the girls. I couldn't imagine an old bald like him was so popular when he was young. Anyway, it's just a marvel story.

Ok! One Utama, having road show for Transformers~

Saw all those cars and one word for them - AWESOME!!!!!!!

I hope car like this. It's very comfortable inside and I just hope to stay in there. But, we know that's impossible.

Not only cars but there're also motorbikes, and it's also very cool.

Bumble Bee~ <3

This bike is seriously cool~ feel like sitting on it but can't =(

Remember the olden times, people use this bike?? hmm..

This is too big for me xD

Yeah~ A lot of mini Bumble Bees~

A full collection of transformers.. Wow!

Oh yes! This is best~!

So that's all for the road show. By the way, I'm so fortunate enough to meet Ai Ling and the rest. It's so coincidence that they went there too. AND! They gave me a sweet pink bag~ Really thanks them a lot!!! Love them always muackss

I couldn't imagine my lie would turn into such a chaos right now.

Why does this keep happening??

Kat, I don't know what else to say after listening to everything you said. I believe no matter how hard I try now to get back or explain to you, you won't give me a chance right? So for not further hurting you, which you think I am, I'll just step back for a while until you cooled down. I don't want to trigger your emotion again. But my heart bleeds badly for what you've said, even now I can still feel the pain keep pierching into my heart.

Sometimes it gave me hard time to be myself. Both of you guys are my friend and obviously I want both of you guys to be together. For me, once a promise, always a promise. I said I'll go with you so just trust me, it's just the matter of time that you might need to wait and I'm truly sorry for letting you wait that long. I'm not trying to be quiet when you question me, I just need to think of a suitable way to reject Eric's offer. You know my character. I don't know how to be someone like you who can always tell a person straightly. All I want is to settle things peacefully. But I didn't imagine peace leads to destruction. I admire the way you handle things all the time, where you can always stood up and defend yourself, which I failed to do so.

I don't mind for everything you said nor I'll get mad. I take what you said to me and asked myself. I know people will speak out their thoughts, no matter good or bad when one is angry so I understand that and accepted what you said to me as a complement. Sincerely, thanks for telling me that I made other party thinks like that. But, honestly I don't have any intention at all.

You may think that I'm faking myself to be the good one to attain people's concern. It's up to you, if you want to think like that. From the bottom of my heart, all I can say is that, I like you, I really like you, Kat.

Hmm..

I was just wondering what will happen to a person, if he or she knows the true colours of his or her ex after they broke off?

Will they be surprise or will they get upset?

I so happen to know what was going on last year and I was absolutely surprise.

I somehow couldn't imagine it.

I'm indeed mad at first but later on after some extra details, I managed to cool myself down.

I just want to remain his good image in me, though after I realise how he behave.

I believe everyone has their own flaws, it's just the matter of fact that how many each person has.

People can say that I've been fooled or played by him, but I believe those who said do not know him well as compared to me. Maybe not too much, but a little will do.

I know his feelings for me is genuine that time, it's just that it didn't last long.

Well, the most important thing now is that it's over now.

The past will always remains as the past, hopefully there's no Deja Vu.

I believe by now, even though on and off I will get to know some of his news, some comments from friends about him, it maybe good and maybe be bad, and etc.

But, no matter what happen it's impossible for me to change my perception on him.

Because at that, I know my feelings are definite and real =)

有时候回想过去也蛮好的。

今天就自然而然的去他的profile看看他的消息。

心情自然而然也会跑到以前的我，不过至少现在的我能控制自己了。

他星期四post了这个上去，

“真希望把不愉快的事情都忘掉，真希望醒来之后什么都不记得，真希望我的生活可以过的比较精彩，真希望有人可以陪伴我，不再让我觉得原来这是黑暗”

没想到他也会有这样的想法。。

我没发任何评论，应该是觉得自己没那个资格了吧，也不想再烦他了。

不过，我的确是有话很想说。。

只想说。。

他其实并不是个很坏的男生，只是他还不懂得怎样去得人家的心。

他还不懂得怎样去好好珍惜一个女孩。

不是人家不要陪他，是他愿不愿意让那个人陪他。

我是可以陪他，可是他的所作所为让我觉得他一点都不在乎我。

他选择了离开，那我也没办法。

不管我花多少心思去想他，想尽办法挽留他，他永远都不会回来。

所以呢，不是人家不想陪，而是看他要不要那个人陪。

希望，他能想开点，成熟点。

现在，我们虽然比陌生人还尴尬，不过，我是不是都会关心一下他，祝福他有个好未来。

我不会为了他的所作所为而恨他，因为我从来都不懂怎样去憎恨一个人。

只是同情他这个人罢了。

不管怎样，过去就是过去了。

虽然还有一点点思念，不过那些思念只能收藏在心里。

思念里，只有我们开心的回忆，不开心的我也自然而然的把它给忘了。

我相信这样的话，他在我心目中的影响永远都是好的。

I try not to think so much

I try not to care so much

But, I just can't do it.

I couldn't imagine and accept what is happening around now.

Why things like that happen?

Why can't you guys or maybe one of you just be nice to each other?

Why will things get worst each time??

I seriously don't ask for more, I just want peace, you know?

I just want to see all of us get along with each other.

For my 20th birthday wishes,

1st wish: All of us can get along with each other

2nd wish: All of us can get along with each other

3rd: All of us can get along with each other

That's what I'm hoping and wishing for.

I used to wish for good results in studies for the past 19 years but not this time.

But somehow, I still can't see anything from it.

I really don't know what to do anymore.

I love you guys, really do but sometimes the more I love, the more disappointments I get in return.

I just hope to see another miracle in my life again.

First day in University.

I couldn't wake up or I should say I'm very lazy to get up ><

The moment I stepped out of the house, I start missing you guys so so much.

Just wish to go back into my room and start gaming, but I can't =(

A brand new life and a brand new day is ahead of me!

Let the by gone be by gone.

That's what I thought.

Jam for an hour before reaching Uni ==

Luckily I'm not late to my first class =)

Malaysian studies.

Hmm.. I wonder how is it like, a lot people said it's a boring subject.

Everything about Malaysia's history.

Well, to me it's just listen lots of lots of stories =)

English class~

OMG!!

Man are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

I never expect to be reading article related to relationship after recent incident.

But, it's a nice story.

So, the whole English class was about problems face in a relationship.

Hmm.. I'm starting to wonder is this some kind of a test??

Thanks my dear - Jenny

I'm glad that you're still here with me no matter what happened.

Though you're miles away from me but I can feel the warmth given out by you.

Thanks so much after a short call.

Looks like you really understands me well, very well and my needs.

Everything has been kept in my heart for so long and now they're all 'free'.

I'm just like a new born baby today, just hatched out from wherever I was and facing new things in life.

Yes! I should start my new life, a brand new one, in a brand new environment.

I'm finally feeling better.

I can't imagine my life without you.

Really thanks a lot!

Hoping to see you soon.

Love you always.......

Muackssssssss

A very special day today.

First of all, Happy Mother's Day to all the moms.

Secondly, Happy Birthday to myself.

Finally turns 20 today.

Nothing special to do on this day, just staying at home rotting.

Today's sucks.

I'm glad that I've made the right decision for deactivating my Facebook account.

Not much people wish me and I don't expect more.

I was happy at first when Kat sang Happy Birthday to me that I almost cried, but out of sudden, her mood changed which makes me feel so so bad again.

I really feel like crying on this day because I'm freaking tired right now.

I don't know what happened to me, just feeling very tired and feel like giving up myself.

They got into fight again and I don't know why.

Honestly, when I see that, I really don't need any wishes, I just hope everyone can just get a long together.

What is wrong with them? or is there something wrong with me?

Maybe Legend was right, I should just let them alone.

But don't know why, I just hate today and feel like crying the whole day after everything that happened to me.

I have to force myself to smile on today and saying I'm fine when people ask me how are you.

I realise that I've changed after what happened on 16th April 2011.

I couldn't believe I got the courage to ask Eric about the wallet I sent to him.

From what Eric said, he changed his wallet.

Guess what?

He's not using the one that I bought.

OK~ This is what I had in my mind when Eric told me.

I'm not sure whether is that his old wallet but according to Eric, he just change it.

Well.. I seriously have nothing to say at all.

I'm totally speechless.

He can really do what he wants and what he like.

I don't think I'm going to know anything about him anymore.

The more I know and ask, the more I'll get hurt.

Just like now!

Here goes again.

They start to get mad at each other and I'm standing in the middle don't know to do.

One side tells me this and that and the other side tells me that and this.

I keep trying to pull them back together, but not sure whether am I doing it correctly.

I really feel sad looking them like that, really really sad.

Why can't we just play at peace?

I prayed deep inside my heart.

I prayed between friendship and relationship, if I was given a chance to save one, I'm willing sacrifice my relationship.

It's not that I have get over with him, I haven't. I still misses him.

I think my prayer was heard. After my dinner, they were back together a little bit, at least they start talking to each other.

I seriously cannot take anymore if things keep like this.

Losing him already give me a strike and now friendship matters?? This will give me another big strike.

Since I already made my choice and I've chose them, I really have to let him go.

It's hurtful but I've got no choice.

Let's just hope what I wish for is really worth it.

Sigh..

Why do they have to start again??

Can't they stop fighting with each other??

The more they fight, the more they will make me remind of him.

Sometimes, I do wonder what will happen or what would I be if I have not listen to Virgil for going back to Perfect World.

I will not have a new account --> I will not know Kathy and Jaime --> I will not know Eric --> I will not know Darren --> I will not able to hear them fighting, or anyone gets moody.

Everything is a chain reaction.

This is the path I chose so no matter what I still have to go on with it.

我真心的恨你，真心的爱你

反复的伤害自己

爱是一场回忆，无声又无息，为什么不会消失

你的天空没有界限，我却一直守在这里， 永远冲不过距离

我们从来不该一起

我还是真正好想你

我對你　這一生　哪個可比
我與你　差一些　永遠一起
邂逅時間場地　似連場好戲
要自何頁說起

愛太重　深呼吸　欠缺空氣
愛太美　輕輕的　卻載不起
愛情來到時候　似明媚天氣
它走了　突然驟變雪落雨飛

如果可以恨你　全力痛恨你
連遇上亦要躲避
無非想（要）放下你　還是掛念你
誰又會及我傷悲
前事最怕有人提起
就算怎麼伸盡手臂
我們亦有一些距離

你太遠　該怎麼　說對不起
你太近　一轉身　卻已高飛
快樂也許太短　似場流星雨
一眨眼　就如幻愛怕又記起

我情愿我狠心憎你
我還在記憶中找你

你认真的看着我跟我说

你盯着我的眼睛说

是说了要分手吗？

和我结束是你想要的吗？

我知道 你有了别的女人

我知道 你对我厌倦了

只是眼泪不断流出

我会离开 你好好生活

我只能说那句话

我会忘记 好好生活

没有我也要幸福

被你丢弃的爱 你带走吧 全部带走

连对不起都不要说

不用担心我

说着要离开我时你的嘴唇为什么偏偏今天看起来那么可恨

我该抓住你 但却没有说出口 你已经渐渐远去

我知道 你会删掉关于我的全部回忆

我知道 我会恨你

你曾是我活着的理由

你曾是我想要的全部

你一直只注视着你的不是我吗？

为什么要离开我？

为什么要抛弃我？

反正早晚这样 当初为什么要爱我呢？

你还记得那天么？

我们初次见面的那天

我至今还记得 与你曾经的那个约定

只有我珍惜着 只有我遵守着 只有我爱着

我相信了你的谎言

你爱过吗？

NO

我会忘记的你好好生活吧！

Alright! I can't stand anymore!!!!

I really don't know what's in his mind right now.

Why can't he just read the letter that I sent??

It won't take up long to read right???

Just spend 5 minutes reading it, and no one ask him to spend an hour on that letter.

4 days had pass, and he haven't even open the sealed???

Fine! If he's not interested then fine.

He can throw it or burn it or do whatever he like.

I don't give a damn thing to know what is he planning to do with that letter.

I just wanted to convey how I felt and he don't seem to understand.

Looks like what I'm doing is just a waste of time.

My feelings can't reach him anymore.

If he just want those thing then tell me!

I don't want to know how is he going to settle that necklace.

If he want to keep it then keep it.

If he want to give other people then go ahead!

I don't care~!!!!

I am not expecting him to remember my birthday~

I am not expecting him to come and wish me on my birthday~

I am not expecting him to give me anything on my birthday~

Do you know why?

Because he's really like a stone man that still lives in a cave!

Don't know what to do and how to react.

I don't mind which girl will be his target next.

I don't mind how is he going to chase that girl.

I don't mind will he be happy or not.

He can go and chase any girl, break any girl's heart he like and hurt them.

Because I don't want to know, I don't want to care and I don't want to hear anything anymore.

If he's still behave like that, then I wish the best of luck in courting girls.

He has the cute look, but with his this attitude, long time dude, long time.

I'm not angry at him, I won't be.

I feel sad for what he is doing now.

He say we can still be friends.

Haha! Friends?? Am I thinking one sided again???

So you can't read what a friend wrote him?

He thinks that is a waste of time reading that???

Never mind!

Just go and do whatever he like~!

Not going to activate my Facebook account until I can fully get rid of him from my mind!

I have been very exhausted lately. I couldn't even imagine my life will turn like this. What mistakes have I done?? Why many unhappy things keep happen around me??

Losing Darren already gives me a big impact on my life. Now, I might lose another friend?? Why like this?? I really don't understand.

Kathy, Jaime and Eric.

Ever since I met you guys, my life has been like sitting on a roller coaster. Sometimes up and sometimes down, and I can't predict what will happen the next day.

Do you know that after losing Darren I've been struggling to live on. I'm fortunate enough that there're so many friends came to me when I'm feeling depressed and I'm very thankful especially to you guys because you guys know Darren too.

Do you know that ever since we start Forsaken World, I start to feel reluctant to go to work or doing OT? Because I just want to get home so desperately to see you guys. Each day while working, I'll think of you guys. I miss those silly jokes you guys said and keep calling me blur all the time.

Do you know when there's Nightmare Carnival, I'll reject any gatherings because I just want to enjoy this event with you guys? I admit it's very unfair to my friends but isn't it better if I don't attend the gatherings rather than keep rushing back?

I already lose Darren and I seriously can't afford to lose anyone now. I can't cope it anymore.

Losing Darren is hurtful, but losing you guys will be more painful.

There's already a wound in my heart now and I can't take anymore.

After knowing you guys,

I feel so proud to tell my friends about you guys.

I feel so proud to tell my friends how nice you guys are to me.

I feel so proud to tell my friends that we will have a trip.

I can just express my feelings so easily. I can cry whenever I want, I can laugh and I can get mad.

I even feel so happy that time when you guys know that I'm dating with Darren especially when Eric knows.

Never in my life have I felt so proud before of having virtual friends.

I don't see you guys as any online friends anymore. Each time when I start to mention about you guys, I'll get very excited and start using name instead of online friend.

But do you know that, the happier I get, the more hurtful it is when things don't go well among you guys.

I am very afraid when any of you guys start quarreling.

I don't cry doesn't mean I'm not sad. It's just that my heart is aching and I don't know what to do with it.

I can't work well today.

Get so frustrated easily and simply throw my temper to my colleagues (sorry about that).

Seriously I just hope things can keep working out fine between us.

Don't say sorry to me if any of you read this post by chance, you know I'll forgive you guys. Say sorry to yourself.

Honestly, I'm so gonna miss you guys when I'm away to UK.