Am I prepared for the worst??

2011 is going to an end and 2012 will visits me soon. It's a happy thing though that one year finally passed. Hmm.. why don't everyone try to recall back what had happened for this pass 12 months. Sad, bitter, sweet or sour?

Well here's my summarized story.

1. I was in a relationship for the first time, it's nice and sweet of course.
2. Bonds between me, Kat, Jaime, Eric and Leg somehow seems stronger. (I suppose)
3. Bought presents for my boy.
4. I hate my work but I met nice colleagues.
5. I got myself enrolled to SEGI and I'm extremely happy because I can stop my work and I miss study.
6. Bf and I don't turn out to be good, at last we broke off.
7. Silly me crying over day and night and asked for recover, despite I'm the one who give him the choice.
8. Kat and I got into a big fight, which then leads to the end of our good friendship.
9. Pre-class starts.
10. Cannot hold on any feelings anymore, Jenny called me from Australia and I burst into tears immediately. I really miss her so much.
11. Trip to Malacca with ODF.
12. I found out that Eric, ex's bro likes me but not deciding to go for it, though I have a slight feeling for him.
13. Pre-class ends 
14. Holiday for a month, just sitting in the room with my laptop on for online game.
15. Trip to Langkawi cancelled due to fight with Kat.
16. Mpharm class starts, too nervous.
17. Met my new classmates
18. First outing together to Sunway Pyramid for ice-skating.
19. Many outings, movies, lunch etc.
20. Busy with reports and test
21. Christmas Party in SEGI, stressed out myself for that party and turns out to be wonderful.
22. Realise my feelings for him, bought present and gave him as Christmas gift.
23. Got hurt by him but then we are still friends, so decide not to tell first.
24. Busy with reports everyday.
25. New year eve with Jenny and Chun Foong
26. End of year 2011

Here's mine, so what's yours??

If you think you have not done a perfect one for 2011 then make it for 2012, don't wait until you regret.

Time wait no one =)

Broken dream's

broken dream's 

Hoping someday you'll see me

Sky is grey

sky is grey

But i'm dancing in the rain

Live this way

live this way

Will you remember my name?

Live a lie

live a lie

Why don't ask you ask yourself why?

Don't you open your eyes?

Only the moon

only the moon

Will hear my plea

Only the creatures of the night, will harmonize with me

Missed you so 

missed you so

And i wonder if you know

The wind has blown me in the corner 

and it's hard to let go

That's the story

That's the story of you and me

Find someone that isn't afraid to admit they miss you. 

Someone that knows you're not perfect but treats you as if you are. 

Someone who couldn't imagine losing you. 

Someone who gives their heart to you completely. 

Someone who says I love you and proves it. 

Last but not least, 

find someone who wouldn't mind waking up to you in the morning, 

seeing your wrinkles and grey hair but still falls in love with you all over again.

Letting go, even if it hurts, doesn't mean you 

have to let go of everything. 

You just have to let go of the person and your feelings 

for her/him but the memories will always be there 

whether it's good or bad. 

Because everytime you remember those memories, 

it will always put a smile into your heart. 

And be glad that once in your life this person 

made you happy and put colors into your 

Life even if it's just for a while.

Wait for the boy who pursues you. 

The one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical; 

the kind of boy who brings out the best in you and 

makes you want to be a better person. 

Wait for the boy who will be your best friend; 

the person who will drop everything to be 

with you at any time of the day no matter 

what the circumstances. 

Wait for the boy who makes you smile 

like no other boy makes you smile, 

and when he smiles you know he needs you. 

Wait for the boy who wants to 

show you off to the world when you are in 

sweats and have no makeup on, 

but appreciates it when you get all dolled up for him. 

And most of all, 

wait for the boy who will put you at the center of his universe, 

because obviously he's at the center of yours.

Spent my Christmas eve in cinema watching, MI4!! ><

Oh yea Tom Cruise~ He's so hot despite he's quite old now ><

Oh! and I think I just found my new dream car in that movie .

Here it is.........

BMW i8

For more of it visit HERE

I don't know but it is damn cool. It's a concept car, but since they said it will be on the market in 2013, I shall just wait and see =))

Merry Christmas!! 

Tomorrow is Christmas. I wonder how am I going to celebrate this special day. Well I did celebrate in SEGI  with lecturers and friends.. 

Hmm.. Anyway, just hope it would be a fun one =)

Everyone was too boring, exhausted from doing report so the 4 of us started playing some kids games ><

It just too hard to defeat Lourene. She's too strong ><

Ok! I deactivated my twitter account but activated it back on the same day, funny eh?

Today, I saw Bob Bob and Derrick keep tweeting on telling their special someone that they miss them. I wanted to join but I can't =(

Actually, all I want to say is that, I'm also having the same feelings as how they feel. Yea.. It sucks when you like a person and you keep denying it. That's how the 3 of us feel it right now. I know I've already admitted but still when other people ask me, maybe I will just say 'no'? Hmm.. And it's true that how nice if we can tell that person that you miss him/her. It would be the best if they reply telling you that they miss you too, but it seems quite hard, as all of us are facing one-sided love right  now.

Anyway, let's wish all the best of luck to the 3 of us =)

''What's done is done, what's gone is gone. One of life's lessons is always moving on. Getting over a first love, dealing with heartbreak, dealing with death and dealing with life. It's ok to look back and think of fond memories, but keep moving forward and you will live your life happily."


"When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn't mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over."


Adapted from Best Quotes.

Happy Winter Solstice to everyone!!

Finally after so long, got the chance to have my dumplings, taste good ><

Sadly, I'm too full that time after I drink a bowl of soya (mom wanted to make a change so put soya), I feel like puking. But, it's still nice!!

Oh and olden people say, the more rice balls you eat, the older or matured you get. Hmm.. Is this true or do you even believe it?
Well to me, it's just another desert to taste on =)

I'll just keep this tiny feelings of mine deep inside my heart until the day I'm ready to tell him what I want to.

What's done is done, what's gone is gone. One of life's lessons is always moving on. Getting over a first love, dealing with heartbreak, dealing with death and dealing with life. It's ok to look back and think of fond memories, but keep moving forward and you will live your life happily.

Read our conversation content from yesterday and realise I've been acting badly. I'm just too sensitive. Funny, I don't use to be like that, I wonder what changed me. Maybe the past. After every unpleasant incidents that happened on me, I can feel that I'm no longer the one I used to be.

I've become a very sensitive person, even to my good friend who love to joke.

I'm just feeling guilty for behaving like that. Though we apologise to each other but the feeling of guilt in me can hardly fade. I'm so scared to face him right now when uni reopens. Sigh.... What should I do?

You forgive me for liking you too much,

And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so,

And I'll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,

And I'll forgive you for not hearing it. 

You forgive me for playing your games,

And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for finding you so attractive,

And I'll forgive you for not noticing.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,

And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,

And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,

And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,

And I'll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace.

Do we have a deal?

He doesn't know it..

I can't tell him but......... Just now I think I almost said it out or have he already found out?

It's sad that he prefer calling me that but what can I do? I'm nothing to him. It just aches inside.... Never mind, I'll bear this pain again once more.

Heart sank................

I can never replace that girl..

Never mind, I've been thinking too much all the while. Let's just let my brain rest for the moment. In 2 weeks time I promise myself to stay some distance from him. Need to control myself.... 2 weeks time for me to adapt.

Yea.... I'm just only your friend.

Finally, everything's over - the test, party and the gifts I planned to give.

Best day in Uni ever where you're accompanied by so many people until the middle of the night. I'm so glad that everyone was having a lot of fun. Special thanks to Zac, JD, Lourene, Celine, Derrick, Anchalee, Adelyn, Matthias and Agilan for making this a successful and splendid Christmas party. Though each person only has a small duty to do, but without any of them, this party will definitely get into chaos.

The most interesting part is that I'm really touched by their expressions when I gave them the gifts. It doesn't matter to me if they want to give me back a gift, it's really just from the bottom of my heart that I wanted to give them. Hmm.. I don't know how to express the feelings I'm having right now, but seriously I'm really happy and touched when each person hugs me and say thank you, and that's enough for me, I don't need more than that.

And, I'm really really really glad that he likes it. So worried that he'll think that I shouldn't spent money on buying things for him. I'm not doing that for a motive, it's just out of sincerity that I wanted to give him. Or.......... maybe......... hmm........... well...... doesn't matter anyway, don't think it will happen. As long he's happy, I'm happy.

My heart is feeling so contented right now =)

Song of the day:

Test~! Finally over...... phewwwww.. tiring.. No mood to eat this morning and lunch, just had a drink at Starbucks, ends up hungry and tired now.

Test results...................... I pass!! but................. not that good *TT* A significant drop in my results~ Sad, but I know there're others who are more sad than me. Good luck guys! and to my dear L <3, you sure can pass this Friday~ If you pass (getting more than 85), I'll treat you eat Korean foods ><. That's my promise~!

No time for me to retake the test as I have reports and Christmas event to settle. Never mind, let's just do this and once for all!

Muscular skeleton (on muscle) --> muscular skeleton (on joint) --> central nervous system (introduction) --> central nervous system (neurotransmitter)

With all these, I can feel my head is spinning. CNS on neurotransmittre..... one word... *vomit blood*. I have no idea what is all about, all I know is the neurotransmitter, and then something about their pathway which I don't understand a single thing, too many terminology for brains which makes me almost go cuckoo . Now if I try to recall what I've read, I will go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm................. *thinking of what is this and that* 

Tomorrow's the test!! It's finally here LOL.. I need to pass for this first time, so I can continue doing my things especially preparation for Christmas party (coming this Friday) which also gives me another headache. *breath in, breath out, you can do it Nicole* Alright!! I will do my best and pass it and once for all saying goodbye to the test!!~~

OK! time to go back to cardiovascular system 1, 2 and 3 @.@

"当一切结束后，我们可以回到以前的我们吗？你走你的，我走我的..."

Can we ever go back to normal after everything ends? You walk your path and I walk mine..

Finally done with 2 reports, but there're 9 more to go TT. This means that I can't really rest~ I have to complete one more, dateline is on Monday and having test on Tuesday ==" Wow.. I think I'm going crazy soon.. Oh yea and I need to prepare for Christmas party.. Oh gosh, so many things to settle yet so little time =( Never mind, I know I can do it =) Pray hard for me to pass the test on Tuesday, 80% and above!! I must score it~~ Oh and by the way, I resigned few days ago, so now I can fully concentrate on uni stuffs =)

********

Don't feel like Twitter is a place for me to hangout anymore. The more I visit that page, the more confuse I get. Sigh, why such things happen to me?? I hate this feeling, but it won't detached from me =( please go away will ya?? >< I really don't want to think of other things anymore, it's just so hurtful to me and I don't know why. 

I'll move one step behind each day, so make sure you don't move one step closer

I can just be your friend, not more than that........

I had a superb weird dream today == so weird that I don't know how to explain.

I like it, but I can't accept it, not I don't want but I can't. Just feeling that I'm still not good and capable in accepting what's happening in my dream, so kinda pity but no choice =)

Sigh.. I went out of control again today. Just seems hard to control my temper nowadays. Is it too stress?? Yea, maybe. Too many things in my mind right now and I just realise I lost my new calculator, which really pissed me off so much. It's life span is just less than a month and now it's gone. You know how sad it is?? But still, it's my fault for simply throwing my tantrum. Sorry guys that I show my temper =(

Stress + tired = frustrated.
I'll try to control next time. For now, let's just hope my calculator will come back to me.

I heard he said, 'my girl friend'. ==

Is he joking or being serious? I know he loves to joke but this..... hmm..

Well yeah, it's not possible that he's single with such character. Sigh...

Eh!! Why am I sighing?? <.< *slap face* wake up Nic, come back~.. You still got a lot of things to think.. No time for such things...

Well.. then good luck and happy life to you =)

Sigh.. I shouldn't have apply for a job as pharmacist right now. I couldn't see what's coming through when I went and ask for my application again. Now I'm kinda regret. I really feel like quitting the job but I know mom won't allow me to. She keep saying, she's going to retired, income not enough, this and that. But sometimes, frankly speaking, she don't know what situation I'm in. Maybe to her, I don't understand her situation as well.

Sigh.. I really don't know what should I do. I have lots of things to settle before I can really rest myself. Now, I'm like killing my brain cells everyday. Test is just around the corner, I have lots of reports to do and submit before deadline, I need to plan for Christmas event which is also just around the corner, where things don't seem to be ready and I need to work (only on Saturday for the time being). Just because mom ask me to work, so I have to go and now I ends up like this. Today, Lourene helped me to text my manager or supervisor, saying that I'm not available until 18 December. I do hope she allows that though I just work for a day. That's when everything's settled down and I finally have nothing on my mind except work. I really really hope she can understands my situation. Now, I'm just waiting for her reply, as I don't feel like working this Saturday. Maybe, after CNY I would quit that job as final exam is coming and I actually dislike my working place. I couldn't believe myself that I fall sick right after I got home from work.

Worst come to worst would be, she'll just 'fire' me. Well, I don't mind actually and it's ok for me if I don't get my pay for last Saturday. No point working so hard in a place that you don't really like right? Funny thing is, why am I so determine to work in the first place. I think because the person that I submit my application to said I can work for like maybe 6 hours. I'm really fine with that but honestly not 8 hours. I can do lots of things with that 2 hours.

Well, just pray she'll reply me tomorrow and agree with me. I feel bad when I tell her like that. It's like I'm not being serious in this job. Too bad is what I can say for choosing the wrong timing and act without thinking.