I'm totally not myself today, can't even get a hold of myself.

Can't even concentrate at work, keep making mistake or forgetting things I've been doing everyday.

I never knew this would pose a huge impact on me.
Sometimes I even asked myself, why care if he doesn't care at all? Why makes myself suffer so much? The only answer that I can think of is just a simple I. don't. know.

I've been thinking hard and lots today but I don't know what I'm thinking.
It's just like my soul is not with me and get moody or mad very fast.
I lost count on the number of sigh I made today, but it's definitely better than yesterday night.

And, I'm sorry to my girls. They're worried about me.
I can see Jay's effort trying to make me smile.
Glen.. He said he's willing to be my listening ear, but people who knows me will know I don't tell my problems to everyone, only to the one I'm feeling comfortable with.
Anyway, thanks a lot guys.

Don't worry, I won't quit just because he left.
Who knows he might come back one day. *I'm making false hope again? but this is what I'm really hoping for.*
If I do quit, then everyone's effort in helping me will be wasted, so I won't.
All I want is just a rest, to clear my mind and adapting to new situation WITHOUT his presence.
Now I'm saying he's dead *touch wood*.
He's still surviving, very good I suppose.

The reason I got upset is not because he quit the game and I can't see him FOREVER, even though I haven't met him before.
That's somehow too dramatic if I cry all day and night.
The reason why I can't get over it is because we hardly talk now, and FW is somehow the way I can.

We can chat on Skype, but I wouldn't like to disturb people if they're busy. This will then slowly makes our conversation gets dull, and at last just a 'hi' and 'bye'.
It'll be totally awful but I'm not a person who's good at making the first step.

Anyway.. I just hope things can get better.

I thought I will have the chance.
I even thought things could gets better if I just follow my plan.
I also thought I will have more time.

Too bad things didn't work out as what I'm hoping for and planning.

Right now, at this instant I'm suffering confusion.
I don't know what to do. He said he quit.
This is too sudden that I can hardly catch my breath.

Once, the girls said I would leave too if he quit.
I blindly and simply told them I would, because him quitting was never on my mind.

Maybe I expect he'll quit but not so soon.
It's just too sudden for me, seriously.

Let's pray for some miracles to happen.

There's only 3 words I want to say to you.

I hope I have the chance, being in the right timing, in an appropriate mood and a response from you.
Even though I indirectly told you before but this time I hope I can make it officially.

I don't want to regret for not saying because you'll be gone away soon and I'll start to get real busy compared to last year.
The period isn't long, only 6 months or more but I don't know the moment we meet again, can we be the way like how we used to be?
Even now, you start to get busy. You start feeling depressed and I feel so helpless.
I can only listen to your sorrow and unable to do anything to ease your pain.

I really miss those days we watch funny clips together, the way you make me smile and laugh so hard and how you cheer me up when I was down or mad.
One thing for sure and I will always remember - You taught me things about life and how to handle it.
Despite you having a bad past or history, I choose to believe that you will succeed one day.

It's really sad looking at you being pessimistic about life when you're the one who taught me to always look at the bright side.
It's sadder when I'm can't even do a thing to make you happy.

Anyway, I have only 2 months left to be able to talk with you. After that we will go back to our own life.
And honestly before that, I wish I could tell you what I really want to say.

I'm happy I'm able to know them. Even though FW is becoming boring each day and the GM is 'eating' our money, but with such friends around, everything is just worth it to continue login to the game.

Friends are friends, love ones are love ones.
I like each of them.

I took some pictures of us yesterday.
I'm satisfied with the high definition I set and it turns out to be a splendid picture.
Too bad we short of one person, if not it'll be perfect! =)

I do not know how long can we last like this.
I hope this can be forever but I'm not so sure as soon or later each of us will be progressing towards the next step of life.
Pray the best for all of us *peace*

p/s: I do hope you'll be there in the pic, standing next to me.

We call it The Square

Girls! Be confident and proud of yourself =)

I've warned you yet you choose not to listen! See what happened now? Don't regret if you're going to face the worst consequence. Sigh..

This is something I want to tell myself.
I'm not regretting anything, I just don't know if I'm strong enough to face the consequences.

I thought I would be able to control my feelings, but I failed.
I'm not emo-ing, just wondering. So readers for your info,need not worry too much =).

Honestly, 

Don't let someone be your priority when you're not even theirs.

Another thing that I would like to keep reminding myself.

I get mad, I nag, I'm upset, I scold........ its all because I care.
When I care, all I want is to see them happy.

Sometimes, I really do hope I have the ability to read people's mind.
I just want to know what am I to you.

I pray, hoping that history will not repeats itself.

I pray, hoping that this bonding can last forever.

I pray, hoping I can have a best moment before I go to bed.

Too bad history repeats itself once again.
Something that I terrified the most.
It happened about the same time,just in a different year.

Two good friends, a very good one quarrelled badly.
One is the one I cherish the most, the another one is the one I adore.
Standing in between of these two somehow makes my life miserable.
The factor that trigger this fight is the same as last time.

Why?
Why when we're about to get stronger, things like this happened?
Sometimes I just wonder is it a test from God.
He knows my weakness.
Is He trying to help me learn how to overcome it?

Same case, same scenario but will the ending be the same??
I just want to have a perfect moment each time with them.
Please let my bad experience and past memories rest in peace.
That's all I wish for.