Nicole!! It's alright! It's just a dream, I said to myself.

Yea.. A dream that actually wake me in the middle of the night, how does that feels?

Don't feel well yesterday. A sudden low blood glucose level, makes me felt so dizzy that I can't even walk straightly. I need to hold anything that I can hold to keep me stand up and walk 'drunkly' to my room and just fall hard onto my bed. Having headache at that time and dizziness really make me going to puke at anytime. I wonder if I'm extremely exhausted or skipping my dinner that cause these.

Woke up at night, not knowing what time, feeling heartache. It was the dream that I dreamt. My head was still heavy, looks like the headache haven't disappear. I remember I did not take any Panadol before sleeping as I'm afraid I'll get gastric since I skipped my dinner. Tell myself not to cry anymore and convinced  myself that it was just a dream. Be tough and try to get back to sleep.

Can't even get up this morning due to this dizziness. So I just lay on the bed a little longer and fall asleep again. Looks like I really have worn out myself. 10.30am, it's time to get up. First step down from my bed, I   can barely stand still. I'm still feeling dizzy but it was not as bad as yesterday.

A quick wash up and immediately head towards the kitchen and start looking for sugary foods. I'm just scared I can't make throughout the day. Not working. I'm still feeling dizzy. After an hour, still dizzy and even now, but I can feel that it's getting lesser. Quite worried right now that I'm not able to go uni tomorrow if I'm still dizzy. Not planning to tell my parents because I know what will the answer going to be. It won't be pleasant so I just keep to myself.

Trying not to think so much for tomorrow. I hope I can be myself, who I used to be. I know there's a huge scar in me right now and this time round, I'm not sure how long will it takes to heal. Maybe months maybe years, but I KNOW there's no turning back right now.

My greatest wish for now is, I hope he won't be sad and feel bad. Despite him telling me he's fine, he's ok, he's not sad or whatever, I can see that he's not being OK! I won't be able to make through these if he's acting like that. I rather people to be honest with me instead of hiding from me just because they don't want to hurt my feelings. I don't blame people who have hurt me before but I thanks them for giving me a new experience.