Today, finally got back my Chemistry and Biology paper 1.

'Sucks' is all I had in my mind right now.

If you ask me why my score is low, I can only say I don't know.

Chemistry - 15/40

Biology - 24/40

Can you ever imagine what kind of results is this??

I seriously had no idea.

Yea... I'm really not fine, even though I will say I'm fine all the time.

My mental partially break down.

I know what's my total score for Chemistry - 47 (same marks as Maths)

Do you have any damn idea what result is this???

Well, this is not the first time for getting 40+ in Chemistry.

But! I got to know that the results we got will be send to Cambridge.

*Swt*

I was totally speechless when I know this.

47 marks for Maths and Chemistry.

What do you expect now????

AS is coming and this is still the results I'm getting.

No comment at all man...

But, I would like to thanks Bella for bringing me back.

She did support and motivate me and ask me not to give up.

'No matter what results you'll get for your A Level, B, C or D, the important thing is that you've tried your best.'

'You had put your efforts in answering the question, and this is the results you get, then let it be. Just tell yourself that you've tried your best'

And... Mr. Siva say...

'You may do well in your A level, but you may not be a successful person. Many As don't mean anything, you can even do better in the future with those who score many As'

This is sometimes something to wake me up. My ambition is to become a pharmacist. I am very sure that there's a University will accept a student like me. I may not be smart, but I'm willing to work hard.

Now, maybe my results for Biology and GP are not as good as last time, but the only thing I have to do now is to aim for my AS! One month more..... Just good luck to me!!

Quote for those who fail their test:

DISINTERESTED people say, "Who cares and why bother to study?"

DESPERATE people say, "If I don't pass, I'll sure die!"

DETACHED people say, "If I don't pass this time, it's OK and I'll try the next time."

Just got back my maths paper... Sometimes i really don't know what to say to myself. 47 marks, is all i can get. Where's the remaining marks go? Carelessness and don't know how to do.

I think this is the 2nd time my marks fall within the range of 40-50. The other time were not that good also, just that it's higher than 50.

With my current performance, I'm not so sure that i can do well in the actual exam. I did the past year. I can hardly know how to do because there're always a marking scheme beside me and I'm not nervous at all. I know i must think positively, i understand that there's still a month time for me buck up everything. But, how can i be so sure that i will not repeat the same mistakes i had done? How am i suppose to know that I'm able to remain calm? I don't know what will happen to me on the actual exam, but I'll definitely give my best shot.

Mentioning about scholarship, I'm not afraid of losing it. Some friends say that there's no need for me to worry about my average percentage since i lost my scholarship. This is totally not about the money. I always want to score above 60% not because of scholarship but i want to know where i actually stand. 60% is my aim, as it's also the scholar's aim. I'm not competing with anyone, i just want to know how far can i go. I just don't know why some friends just cant understand what i want. They always thought that i want back my scholarship so I'm so concern about the 60%. I don't need that for the time being! Sometimes i really hope there's someone who can understand my situation and feelings. Don't say I'm stubborn for maintaining that 60%, this is determination. Without determination, how can you be successful? I bet the only thing you know is to give up. This don't suit me! I seriously wouldn't want to give up anything while i still have the chance.

But now, i finally know where i stand. I really don't deserve to be a scholar at the first place. At first i thought becoming a scholar is so cool, because a scholar usually have good results. Now i finally realise that it's cool at all but only stress. I feel that, i will only take scholarship if my parents are not able to afford me. What's the point of having scholarship where you're going to give it back later on?

Since AS is one month ahead, i think i seriously need to settle everything down. Minus all the unnecessary entertainment, hopefully I'm able to catch up everything. A month is short, but I'll give my best for now. Those who read this post, i hope I'm able to obtain support from you. Every minute support meant a lot to me now.

Hopefully i won't be psycho during my study month.

At last!! Mid course is over~
Here comes the AS exam *aiks*

Last day of test - Chemistry~~
I only know I kept answering the question non-stop
First time I can complete almost all of the question
BUT..
Able to complete and get the correct answer is a different matter, anyway who cares??
All I know is I've tried my best and that's all I can say

After exam definitely go and play. With my character and behaviour, I will not take any books, out it in my hand, open it and start reading lol~
The only thing that came in my mind after Chemistry test is - pasar malam and K time lol~~

It's really a fun day with everyone~
Got to stay at Elly's house is also nice. Sister staying together haha..

Anyway, I think after this i have work on my studies

Well I'm partially came back from where I supposed to be hehe..
Having exam so can't blame for not going online~
Anyway.. don't mention anything about exam now~ I don't even have the mood to talk about it arghh~

So first of all I would like to welcome back myself to my own world where I can write anything I like in here, anything that I want to say in here and any complaints that I want to complain.

Got back to my facebook..
Don't know what's wrong with it, it seems that all my notifications from 40 suddenly turns to 8 even though i didn't even have a look at them. Well never mind~ Visit my 6E's group, a group created for all primary friends to gather.

I think after entering that page, seriously become a bit emo d haha~
They didn't did anything wrong or what, just my own low self esteem~
They wanted to have a gathering and I keep wondering whether to go or not lol~

It's not easy to say go means go for me.
I don't mind any other gathering but this I seriously don't know~
I had a nightmare during primary and I really never wanted to go back to that moment.
I was the class's joker, got teased by them and my class teacher even teased me one year~

OK! not to say I'm a sensitive person or what it's just that the feelings doesn't feel that nice~
Looking at how my friends or even my best buddies, they changed.
Yea~ they indeed changed a lot and I understand that people do change.
I don't mind how they look, whether they're a nerd or not i don't mind it's just their behaviour~
I hardly believe that one of my best buddy came into there and post f*** 6E
So swt man~

I practically don't like people to speak bad words when it is not necessary~
I don't know why, this is just my character and I guess that's why I get bullied easily~
I don't think i gave my ex classmates a good impression~
So.. I don't know~
Even after i joined that group, don't seem that most of my comments were replied~
I'm just like an outcast at there~
Sometimes i really wondered why am i so stupid to care for people who don't even care about me?
I think that what makes me for who I am now~

A girl who only know how to care and think about others before herself. Sometimes living as this kind of person is really tiring, but what to do??
Cause that's me~
And I love the imperfect me~

I don't know what hurts you
But I can feel it too
And it's just hurts so much
To know that I can't do a thing
And deep down in my heart
Somehow I just know
That no matter what
I'll always love you.

Just love these sentences~
I extract it from a lyrics, though I don't know who sang it or is the lyric really (some people might just write it)
It's a instrumental song
The best instrumental song I ever found, composed by Yiruma
This lyric is found in the song 'Kiss the rain'*
This song make me feels like learning back piano
I regret for giving up lol

*the song playing in my blog

Well.. I think some people know what I had done to my dad's lap top from my facebook wall post..
Yea~ I screwed my dad's lap top by downloading and installing an unknown software which claimed itself to be security antivirus~
This software looks similar to the PC live guard - the logo. However, it's actually a scam which I, Nicole Tan get coned by it lol
This software will pop up in a window saying that there are many threats detected, more than 10 and it's harmful to your computer. So in order to remove it, the software will ask you to download it which in turn required you to BUY the antivirus ==

Since, I'm a novice in computer, I stupid stupid go and listen to those rubbish and download it. But, I'm still smart enough of not to go and buy it~ ^^
I scanned the laptop but it shows no threats found and there's nothing wrong. According to the unknown software (actually called rogue antivirus), my firewall is disabled, I can't update blah blah blah.. and everything I have to do is to buy that thing =="""

Well.. I'm indeed panicking but later I just don't care it lol~~
Who knows, I scolded by my bro and mom, but my dad is actually fine with it ^^
My mom scold me for only know how to play computer which I actually got study just that using computer to ease my boredness, and my bro anger is totally understood lol~
So guys!! don't follow the footsteps I took..
My bro spent for 2 days just to fix that thing and I think it's ok right now lol~

Preparing to download the programe

This one tell you the threats in your computer, but it's fake

Everything being disabled lol~

Another fake thingy

Fake~

This is spamboat, saying that virus being sent to your email

So... don't do what I had done~
If you feel like playing it, go ahead =D

*sry, picture quite blur*

CNY is ending~~!!
When CNY is ending, this means that mid course is coming and then AS!!!
This is all what I can say now~!!
*sob sob*
Scare~

Anyway, let's continue to what I left out last time~
Hmm.. on Friday (the day after coming back from Ipoh) went visiting~
Well.. that day really can spare all my loneliness and boredness~
Gamble, gamble, gamble~
I won a bit that day hahaha~~ but it's enough
We should not be greedy lol~~
Anyway, that day went on quite well lol~

***

Went to MUET class yesterday and guess what..

I left my paper bag at there ==

So...

I left my lad coat and my tupperware ==

Went back to that room, but it's lock already *doom*

Tell teacher about this, and she say she'll help me the next day

*it's very late already that time*

Today, ask teacher about it..

There's no sign of it ==

I feel that I'm finished

Having Chemistry practical on Monday

No lab coat = no nid to enter

Looks like I have to borrow it from someone

I must get back my stuffs~

The tupperware.....

I took it without my mom's permission ==

I must get it back no matter what it takes~~