Just got back my maths paper... Sometimes i really don't know what to say to myself. 47 marks, is all i can get. Where's the remaining marks go? Carelessness and don't know how to do.
I think this is the 2nd time my marks fall within the range of 40-50. The other time were not that good also, just that it's higher than 50.
With my current performance, I'm not so sure that i can do well in the actual exam. I did the past year. I can hardly know how to do because there're always a marking scheme beside me and I'm not nervous at all. I know i must think positively, i understand that there's still a month time for me buck up everything. But, how can i be so sure that i will not repeat the same mistakes i had done? How am i suppose to know that I'm able to remain calm? I don't know what will happen to me on the actual exam, but I'll definitely give my best shot.
Mentioning about scholarship, I'm not afraid of losing it. Some friends say that there's no need for me to worry about my average percentage since i lost my scholarship. This is totally not about the money. I always want to score above 60% not because of scholarship but i want to know where i actually stand. 60% is my aim, as it's also the scholar's aim. I'm not competing with anyone, i just want to know how far can i go. I just don't know why some friends just cant understand what i want. They always thought that i want back my scholarship so I'm so concern about the 60%. I don't need that for the time being! Sometimes i really hope there's someone who can understand my situation and feelings. Don't say I'm stubborn for maintaining that 60%, this is determination. Without determination, how can you be successful? I bet the only thing you know is to give up. This don't suit me! I seriously wouldn't want to give up anything while i still have the chance.
But now, i finally know where i stand. I really don't deserve to be a scholar at the first place. At first i thought becoming a scholar is so cool, because a scholar usually have good results. Now i finally realise that it's cool at all but only stress. I feel that, i will only take scholarship if my parents are not able to afford me. What's the point of having scholarship where you're going to give it back later on?
Since AS is one month ahead, i think i seriously need to settle everything down. Minus all the unnecessary entertainment, hopefully I'm able to catch up everything. A month is short, but I'll give my best for now. Those who read this post, i hope I'm able to obtain support from you. Every minute support meant a lot to me now.
Hopefully i won't be psycho during my study month.