I feel that I'm seriously having a mental depression right now.
Every time I heard something related to Biology or any term that appears in it, I’ll start think back what I've done for my that paper. I felt regret and at the same time depress. I can’t imagine how many marks I will lose. Too many blanks in that paper. I know this because I did the same thing during my trial. Guess what I got, 20+ out of 100.

I’m really worried this thing will happen again as this is not something to mess with. It’s about my future and my life. I can’t imagine I might ruin it on my bare hands. For Mathematics, I can roughly know what grade I will get. Hopefully it’s B, but the best will definitely be A.

Not only that, I also partially screwed my Chemistry paper 5. I could not manage to complete question 2. I left the last page blanked. However, there’s still hope for my Chemistry, as long as I do well in my paper 4, which I’m trying very hard now.

I really need someone to talk to, but I couldn’t find anyone. I can’t find my secondary friends because we’re on different course and I don’t think they’ll truly understand what is it like to be this depress. They didn’t sit for the paper, so they wouldn’t know its difficulty.

It’s weird that, though I’ve many friends but at the moment I’m lost, I can’t find someone right now. I really felt lonely right now. I really need someone who can understand the pain I bear. I understand this is just the beginning of life and I shouldn’t give up right now, but the feeling of guilt is still there.

No matter what the circumstances is, I really want my Biology to get at least a B. I really hope Cambridge will not set the grade threshold too high. I really have no other way but just to pray very very hard now. This is the first time ever I felt like this before. I don’t know what explanation I can tell my parents if things turns out not as I expected. One can never know this feeling unless he experience it.

I seriously need some advice and someone to talk to.