You dare to call me a bitch!?!? You can even said it so feely without hesitating anything? What have i done to you?? Didn’t do anything at home is not the EXCUSE!!!

Being as the eldest, you have the responsibility to take care of us!!!!! and all you can is address your own sister as a BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????? What is that suppose to mean??

So i am really a nuisance and being hated here.. The thing that i can only do every time is to endure and be patience for everything they said and forgive them. Talking to parents doesn’t solved anything!! They wouldn’t do anything but just warn them only. This is totally unfair.

Maybe i seriously didn’t do much with the house chores but there’s no right in calling me that!! You don’t know what you said have a very big reflection not only to me, but also your mother!! Did you ever think of that!?!? How often do i scold foul language to you all!?!?! I always have to keep every feelings inside my heart and swallow it all by myself, and do you think it is easy???

I understand that you all really hope that I'm not around. Everything explains when you wish that I'll never come back after having a bbq with my friends. What’s the matter with you?? Do you know that i tried my very best to take it as a joke to forget about it? I know my presence doesn’t make much difference at home and in your life, but i just want to tell you that

NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY AND DO, I’LL ALWAYS BE YOUR SISTER AND YOU CAN’T RUN AWAY FROM THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you want me to leave, I'll leave someday and make sure you won’t regret by that time.

 

ps: that’s why i always have to defend myself where i get no support from anyone. I have to forgive myself for writing this as i know is improper, but i have to release my tension.

Finally, my dinner for today is going to be bbq! At first i anti bbq so much due to the current weather and influenza A that is spreading so widely. But do you think I'll have the chance to say no?? Haha!!

I drove to Jenny’s house around 8.30pm and i pick up Mei Yin on the way there ^^. Since all the set up is with me so there’s nothing to eat that time and we girls have to start the fire. It was almost 9pm that time.

I know how to start a fire but i never try it before XD so this would be my first. We usually ask the boys to start but since non of the boys are here so i decide to start first.

At first was OK, then the flame get smaller and smaller =.= and everything was out hahaha!!! Looks like i still need guidance from starting a fire. It’s already 9.30pm and we haven’t even start burning stuffs @__@. Then, the boys came – Shaun and Boon.

Shaun’s been complaining this and that saying that there’s still no food to eat when he arrive there ==. Plus!!! He still say i act smart in starting the fire!! What the!!!!!!!! Ok! Maybe he’s joking with me, but can’t he just keep quiet and make no comments??

Maybe he’s right but at least i give it a TRY!!!! OK??? So i think boys are boys. Shaun heat the cold charcoal in just no time and it’s almost 10pm. Maybe i really have to admit that I'm stupid but I'll not GIVE UP!! I’ll let Shaun see that I, TAN PEI CHING can also start a big and unbreakable flame like boys =D

Since we have the fire, so now is barbecue time haha!! To be honest, i didn’t do much burning but only EAT wahahahahahahaha. I only help people to burn but did not burn my own one. My chicken wing is burnt by don’t know who, my ham is burnt by Xin Yee. BUT!!!!! I burnt my own sausage, that’s why the colour is nice ^^. I would like to admit that the person who cook my chicken is also in good colour but it’s not fully cooked ><, never mind anyway.

I just know that the table is full of foods~~~ haha. The stove is also full of foods~ Everyone is busying flipping their food and I'm busy with my photo snapping ^^v. Let’s see what they produce~

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Well, none of them eat what they burnt because they want to finish burning everything and everyone share a plate full with foods. Hmm.. To me this will not be like bbq anymore. It’s more like using charcoal to cook our food =D. The food is cold after we finish burning so it’s not fun anymore. Maybe is because time’s getting late so we have to finish those foods immediately haha. Xin Yee and I also place some lanterns at one corner of the house, indicating that we’re celebrating Mid Autumn Festivals too..

So, i think we burnt almost everything around 11pm. Since there’re so many foods, all of us sit down together and start eating it. Due to loads of foods, Shaun came up with an idea of playing a game. It’s a multiplication game to me whereby we have to use our multiple knowledge. So, those who lost will have to eat the food as punishment.

Shaun sat beside me and you know it wouldn’t be great because he keep on put a prank on me =.= and of course i lost!!!!!! sigh.. What a pity me!

Ok after every food is finish, we have to start cleaning up the place.

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It takes quite some time is washing the floor and everything. After that, we finally can go back ^^ Anyway,

HAPPY MOONCAKE FESTIVAL

EVERYONE!!!!

Yeah~ yeah~ just now went shopping with Ai Ling, Mei Yin and Jenny. We bought some foods or perhaps ingredients for our bbq tomorrow. Another gathering with the one dozen family (so excited)

Look at them choosing the sausages!! They have been choosing the best one for so long XD

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So, after some long shopping, this is what we got for our bbq tomorrow

  Hmm.. We have:

  - 2 fish balls

  - 1 packet of A1 chicken meat balls

  - 2 corns

  - 2 jumbo sausages with cheese fillings

  - Hams (inside the Jusco's plastic bag)

                         and

  - 3 normal sausages

    *the drinks belongs to Mei Yin.

 

 

After everything, we headed to the cashier. Oh My God~~ there’s so many people lining up =(. I pushed the trolley to find a better cashier to pay for the foods~ and i eventually found it =D

 

Well.. it cost us around RM50 for only these few things, and don’t forget the we haven’t buy the chicken wings because there’re aren’t any left =.=

After paying the foods, we head back home. Jenny drove us back yippee~

I don’t feel my presence is that important anymore.

Maybe I'm wrong to say this but this is what i actually feel. I’m just a person who provides hope to the family. To be honest, i don’t think anyone likes me in the family. Well, sometimes they’re nice to me but not all the time. Maybe sometimes I'm wrong too but at least i feel guilty about the way i did.

Remembering my day for A night,  i get helped from my best friend for my preparation. She dress up for me and eventually changed the way i look. I can see her effort when some friends of mine can’t recognize me. But, the moment i met my parents, i saw them laugh sarcastically. What is that suppose to mean? Can’t their daughter be pretty for her night too? I asked them two times on how do i look, only they give me their comment. Since, parents are like this then i think there’s no need for me to say about my brothers.

I can’t see fairness here. OK, everyone would always say the world is not fair. I always try to ignore this statement because i believe that everyone will always get things equally as everything is based on our karma. Maybe getting prejustice is my karma that leads me to failure in getting family’s concern.

I always have to defend myself and that’s why some of my personality changed when I’m at home. I tend to be more fierce at home than outside. Even though people always say the closest relation we have will always be our family but i feels that friends show more concerns.

I really don’t want to further to complain or comment anything. I understand that no matter what happen, they’ll always my family. But, i hope someday they’ll understand how i feel. I’ve been observing everything for a long time already. Talking to them is useless cause they’ll never admit when they made mistakes.

Argh!! So confused these few days @__@. I also don’t really know what had gone into me, so not like me anymore Z_Z

Suddenly get so annoyed that i really don’t know what to do. Looks like i’m being emo lately XD. There’s a lot of things to think lately sigh..

Blaming myself for not able to help sigh. Best friend got cheated by bf and my comforting sucks!! Knowing her the longest time in my gang but can’t able to help sigh. I feel so useless~ I really don’t know what to do sigh. I totally understand her feelings but i can’t comfort her sigh…….

Get frustrated easily, feeling lonely even though the person who really in need is not me.

Having dinner with besties yesterday but my heart is empty. Feeling lonely yesterday, no mood to talk nor laugh or joke.

Too emo already!!!

Haiz…..

 

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虽然我说了会像往常去上课，可是我做不到。。
虽然我说了我会努力读书，可是我做不到。。
虽然我说了要随缘，我依然做不到！！

虽然我的心里叫我停止，可是我办不到。每一天，都像看见他可是又怕会失望。可是，当他出现时，我不是觉得很开心，而是心烦，很乱，很想逃避，很想躲起来。当他走了之后，才松了一口气。见不到就失望，见到的时候就心烦，真是够奇怪。

今天，娴告诉我说她看见他。我顿时感觉到有个很大的石头压在我身上。我的心沉去了~开始烦了。
我不知道我到底喜欢不喜欢她，因为我们才刚认识。说一见钟情，我倒不信。还没了解一个人就喜欢他有点过头吧。也不知道他本人，怎么可以就这么轻易的喜欢上他呢？我每天都问自己这个问题。

我知道我的确没告诉有些朋友，就算他们是我的死党。不是我不想分享，只是不想去想这些东西。我知道很不公平，可是我不想再让自己受到伤害了。所以。。。。。

对不起~

Alas!! Test 2 is over.. Can’t wait to finish the physics practical and have lunch with a bunch of friends~ That Chemistry really can kill me, urgh!!! Anyway, I don’t want to mention anything about test now ^^

I don’t think i’m the only one who can’t do well in that physics practical. Some of my classmates skipped it, how dare they!!! Doing that practical in a sleeping mode, plus we have to do some oscillation, that’s really going to hypnotize us lol~

Time’s ticking, and i still haven’t complete my report T_T. Then, Sean came in, get a bit energetic again so quickly complete it XD. She told me that they’re going to KLCC. Hmmm.. I can’t go there, but she’s so kind and cancel it and decide to have lunch with me and of course with Terence, Elly and Yen Yee ^^. Well, See Yee and Neo also follow us so try to imagine all of us squeeze into a old version Proton Saga =D.

Damn squeeze!! But I think i’m bad enough that i’m playing Terence’s ipod ><. Sad to say that i’m a game freak haha..

So… I don’t know where Terence drove us, cause my attention is just on the game, Uno plus i can’t even see hehe.. I just know we reached a place where there’s a mini Carrefour.

We enter a Taiwan restaurant~ Guess what, the food is soo cheap, hmm is better to say that it’s worth the price. We called a set meal and there’s definitely some side dishes, and the ginseng soup or whatever medicine soup taste……….. yuck! Bitter~~ I can bear bitterness but not this T.T. See Yee just asked me to finish it to recover back all my stamina. Yea she’s totally right ^^

After finish eating, we had some shopping at an accessories shop, then only head back to college. I didn’t buy anything cause purse is empty hehe.. But, I like one of the necklace a lot =(