我一直在想，­

我究竟还可以再伪装多久？­

我不坚强，­

又 能软弱给谁看？­

受伤,­

想醉酒发泄出来.­

心 底，­

是静静流淌的哀伤­

我努力学着去伪装,­

试着在脸上 挂起那虚伪的微笑.­

也许是因为太过倔强，­

也许是因为 太过骄傲，­

不愿意让人看见自己软弱的一面，­

不愿意被人看见我已伤得体无完肤的狼狈.­

所 以，在明明很痛苦很难过的时候，­

却用一个违心的微笑来掩饰所有的伤痕，­

可是自己却听见 心碎满地的声音...­

心灵的某个角落里,­

依然是那么 脆弱和不堪,­

一切只是假装的坚强而已,­

外表的冷漠只是为了掩饰内心的脆弱罢了.­

有 时连自己看自己都是陌生的.­

你看见我的微笑，­

看不见 我的伤痕，­

我起码可以在你们的面前一直的骄傲着.­

如果你能读懂我的伤悲，­

那 也不要残忍的揭穿我的脆弱，­

就让我依然假装坚强

明知，自己全身都是伤­

却 还要愿意继续伤下去

Baby, dear, darling, honey…
How long more can I use these to call you?
How long more can you use these to call me?
How long more can we go??

I no longer hear you calling me baby.
I no longer hear you calling me dear.

Baby, what is bothering you now seriously?
You say nothing but I don’t think is that simple.
What’s in your mind right now?
What do you want right now?
Tell me honestly and I’ll try to give you.

Are you feeling lost right now?
Are you looking for your freedom back but you’re afraid to ask me?
Are you worried that I’ll get mad or sad?
Do you really want it back?
If you really want it back, then I have no choice but to give you back.
I’ll let you go and will not request you to come back.
If this is the only way you will be happier then I’m willing to give.

No need to worry about me, I’ll be fine.
It’ll just hurt, maybe for some time.
I’ve already try my best to reach for you, but if it’s still not enough for you, then I’m sorry.
I really did do everything I can.

Sorry if I’m not caring enough for you.
Sorry if I’m not able to do anything for you.
Sorry if I’ve ever made you angry.
Sorry if I’ve ever made you feeling so confuse.
Sorry if I’ve been clinging to you.
Sorry if I’ve given you so many troubles.

I love you.
I really really do.
That’s why, don’t hide your feelings anymore, it’ll hurt me more.
So if you want your freedom back, tell me, I promise I’ll let you go.

I am now sitting in the office, waiting for mom to bring lunch for me.

She asked me not to go out and eat as there’re lunches provided at her department.

Bought a ‘teh tarik’ to temporary fill my empty stomach. It had been making so much noise since 10am.

Nice ‘teh tarik’~

So bored, nothing to do when it’s lunch time.

Thinking about what am I going to do on Friday.

His birthday is on this Saturday, so planning to give him a surprise on Friday night.

Going to call him for the FIRST TIME.

Whenever I think about it I start to get nervous. I can feel my heart pound quite hard.

Not sure whether will everything go on smoothly.

I’m afraid he’s playing that moment, but I told him last week to give me some time on Friday.

He still doesn’t know what am I doing, hopefully this will frighten him out.

What am I suppose to say when I heard the word ‘hello’?

Should I remain silence when he answer the phone and didn’t say anything??

Once I wish him, what am I going to say to keep the conversation go on??

I always have to be the one to start an topic.

What response will he give me??

Will he get mad of what I’m doing?

OMG! I can’t stop thinking what will happen that night, will it be a successful one???

Damn, I’m so worry right now.

But, I think the most important thing is that, will he answer my call????

What should I do if he doesn’t??????????

Argh!!!!! Too many questions floating inside my mind right now.

Oh ya, his brother, Eric finally knows about us, but I didn’t tell Eric anything.

I promised him I will not tell so I can’t, Kathy is the one who starts asking but she did not make things seems so obvious.

To my surprise, Eric figures it out by himself, not bad.

I was very nervous at first but when Eric says it out, I was relief.

Eric got to know about us because he peep our conversation sometimes and he pretend he doesn’t know anything.

When he told us this I was like OMG.

So, since Eric knows I think there’s no need to hide anymore??

Should I tell him that Eric knows everything?

I’m afraid he’ll get mad but I don’t want to hide anything from him.

What will happen if I choose to tell him??

Gosh! I really have no idea. This Friday is coming soon and I have to decide fast!

于不了解金牛座的人，对金牛抱有成见的人常常觉得金牛有不少的缺点：

贪吃啊、固执啊、拜金啊、闷声不响啊、内向保守啊、反应超慢啊……诸如此类的。

其实，这些都是对金牛座的误解，金牛座的人性格要比这些复杂的多。

金牛座的人确实是寡言少语，不过，这并不代表没有思想、没有见解。

恰恰相反，金牛座的人大多都是很有思想和内涵的，
只是有时候他们不屑于无谓的争辩或是和无聊的人争辩，

他们心里都很蔑视那些喳喳呼呼而有毫无水准的人。

他们也不喜欢十分喧闹的场合（虽然他们并不是不能疯
通常选择的都是自娱自乐；做事比较低调不自信，
其实心里都有一种一鸣惊人的欲望，而通常他们确实又都具备这个能力。

高傲和自卑这对双生姐妹在金牛座身上体现得特别明显。

金牛座的人通常对吃的要求很高，但这并不代表他们就是贪吃。

他们喜欢的是精美可口的食物而并非仅仅是填报肚子，
对垃圾食物他们一般是不屑一顾的。

因为他们对味觉比常人较敏感，所以他们把吃也当作是一种欣赏品位的过程。

而金牛座对事物的鉴赏能力也是很出名的。
另外，美食还可以减轻金牛座常常产生的焦躁不安情绪
及莫名其妙的低落心情。

而这种情绪是常常回在金牛座的身上出现的，也就是所谓的低潮期。

金牛座的人有很重的浪漫情怀，感情细腻也很激烈，
但由于他们不善于表达，所以总给人一种冷漠无情的错觉，其实金牛座的人对感情是很认真的，也愿意为爱人赴汤蹈火，

但是一旦受到伤害，他就回用封锁一切的态度来面对感情。

表面上他可能装作毫不在乎（通常牛儿们都是这样做的）

其实心里在乎的要命。

他们相信爱情，但是对爱情的结果通常抱以悲观的看法。

归根到底，金牛座是彻彻底底的悲观主义者。

但是他们的行为不完全消极，反而给人一种积极向上的感觉，他们对名利、金钱虽然看的很透彻，但仍怀有或强或弱的欲望，

这就是为什么金牛座的人喜欢拼命赚钱但是绝不拜金，
他们是不屑于做金钱的奴隶的。

他们淡泊名利但不出世。如果有必要他们也会不顾一切向上

但这种动机和目的跟其他单纯出自欲望的人们是截然不同的，

他们这样做绝对有非做不可的理由。

他们不会局限于物质方面的追求，其实他们关注更多的是精神层面的东西，

所以金牛座的人通常是物质精神两不误。

金牛座的人大多是很有主见的，当然这一点有时候过分了就成了固执了。

他们有独创的意见和启发他人的能力，

这种才能会不会表现出来当然还得看他们乐不乐意。

他们也很富有叛逆精神，但通常不会做出太越轨的事，
因为他们在这方面还是较为懒散的，但一旦刺激了他们这根神经，

他们肯定会作出一些离经叛道的惊人之举，小心被逼得没有后路的他们是最危险的。

金牛座在某些方面有着惊人的领悟力，或是数学、或是哲学、更多的是音乐和艺术方面。在这些领域他们可堪称天才。

虽然他们表面温温吞吞的，但其行事乖张不下于双子，
而平常人根本猜不透他们毫无表情的外表下到底在想些什么，他们也不会喜欢跟人粘得腻腻歪歪的，保持距离是他们的处世哲学，虽然这并不代表冷漠。

所以爱上金牛座的人是很折磨人的一件事。金牛座的人直率但不过火，真诚但不是什么话都跟人说，他们很会替他人着想，他们很能体会人间疾苦，即使是那些从小在温室中长大的牛儿们也极具同情心。

但是当金牛座的人受到严重打击时，他们是会比任何人都更加冷酷无情和不择手段的。

他们懂得如何善良，同时也懂得如何邪恶。

总之，金牛座的人是非常富有魅力的。

特别是和他深入接触了之后，他们广博的知识和幽默的谈吐以及个性的作风使人欣赏。

当然他们外表也会散发出一股独特的气质，通常不是遭人异常的厌恶就是使人深深的被吸引。❤

seriously true!!

之所以说白羊座的人值得爱，并不是因为他们有多优秀，而恰恰是因为他们的不完美……

在白羊座的字典里永远没有“利用”两个字，他们不懂得什么叫阿谀奉承，什么叫阳奉阴违，白羊座的人选择人做朋友永远是看你是否“值得交”，而不是看你是否“有价值”。

在白羊座的字典里永远没有“上赶着”三个字，白羊座的人永远只会去留意那些善意的向他们示好的人们，而不会为了达到某种目的去刻意与人攀关系。

白羊座的人并不是真的“很傻很无邪”，而是“很真很潇洒”，他们并不是不了解现实的残酷，并不是看不穿人与人之间利益的熏染，而是他们不想争，不想争并不代表没有野心，不想争并不是因为无能，而是在他们看来，一辈子的友情远远值钱于那短暂的利益……
就算有一天白羊座的人想去争了也是选择“增加自己绳子的长度”，而不是费劲脑汁地扯断别人的绳子……白羊座的人永远不会为了所谓的“自己的利益”而与朋友撕破脸，他们这种不易被察觉的豁达是一般星座人比不了的。

永远不要和白羊座的人玩心机，他们不计较不代表他们傻，不要因为自己占了白羊座便宜就沾沾自喜，不要以为你伤害了重友情的他们他们就会为此而苦恼……白羊座的热情和绝情只在转瞬间，他们只在乎在乎他们的人，对于他们来说被骗点感情和钱不算什么，说的再讽刺一点就是多你一个不多，少你一个不少，如果你选择背叛出卖他们，都不用他们刻意的把你当屁放了，你自己就顺理成章的把自己归为不是个玩意那堆里了。

你可以有本事让白羊座的人“认输”“认栽”“认倒霉”，但是白羊座人的字典里永远没有“认错”两个字，明明他们也知道是自己的错。请原谅白羊座人这个最大的毛病——好面子，其实他们心里特别想跟你和好，所以这个时候希望你能给他们一个小小的台阶下……我敢说他们马上就会主动反省，向你道歉的。

白羊座的人脾气急，易冲动。与白羊座的人相处要时刻绷紧神经，要紧跟他们的步伐，这样才会让他们感觉到与你合作的痛快、默契，合拍。

白羊座的人永远都是刀子嘴豆腐心，他们最毒的地方永远都是那张一天白呼个没完没了的嘴，请不要怕与白羊座的人争吵，因为只要他们还能跟你说话，就说明事情还没到不能商量不能解决的地步，说明他们还没有真的生气。真正被惹怒的白羊座往往是连瞅都不稀瞅你的。

白羊座永远都是那么的倔强，如果他们讨厌一个人，就一定要表现出来，一定要让那个人知道，就算水深火热当中，也绝对要咬紧牙关绝不张口向那个人请求支援……所以说抗战时期的白羊座如果被俘虏了绝对是死的最惨的那批。

白羊座的人最为真实，他们把怒哀乐都表现在脸上，不懂得什么是伪装，什么叫强颜欢笑，从来都是有一说一，有二就不会说三。

就算你很风骚，或很坏，白羊座的人都不会介意，只要你表现的真实，骚但不装清纯，坏但不藏心机，就会被

如果你与他们冷战很久想要缓解，慢慢来，别太热情，会吓到小白羊的，会让他们觉得受宠若惊，他们不太会表达自己的感情，不知道怎么去回报别人，可是对他们好的他们会永远记得，有好东西一定与你分享，如果你们分享不到他们的东西，那一定是因为他们没钱而不是不想花钱。

白羊座的人在正常情况说出的话就一定是真的，请相信他们。白羊座的人最讨厌的就是自以为是的人，那种总是用自己的思想去揣摩他们心理得人。他们最讨厌别人对他们的话不相信，然后说什么“你是不是这么想的你心里清楚”之类的话……白羊座的人会觉得特别委屈。要记住社会再黑暗，人们再圆滑，也还是有一些人保持心中的那一份净土，对别人坦诚的，那就是白羊座。

白羊座的人很难做人的，其实他们骨子里相当孤傲的，很喜欢安静，不喜欢多说话，可是又不得不想让周围的人因为他们的存在而感到快乐和幸福！所以，稍微稳当点的白羊座会被人说成清高，活泼点的就被人说成“二”……请理解白羊座，清高的并没有瞧不起谁， “二”的只是为了你们能开心，幸福。

白羊座的人值得去爱，愿爱着白羊的孩子们永远幸福！❤

Am I thinking too much or am I not?

After being this long with him, I get to know myself better.

I get to feel the feelings I’ve never had, I get to taste what I’ve not tasted before.

However, the biggest discovery I get is that, I’m very pessimistic towards relationship.

I don’t know whether does this apply to every Taurus girl, but I read a Chinese article and it says like that.

I’m sensitive with feelings, so with him is really a challenging one where sometimes he’ll leave me cold, and I don’t know what to do when he does that.

Well, he did say that he’s a boring person, I refuse to accept it completely but now I can understand.

Girls with less patience will not be able to stand him, because you won’t know what he is thinking.

Like, you ask him what are you doing, and he said looking at something, then you ask him what’s that and he reply you nothing.

Maybe I’m not giving him enough space for himself or he’s just like that?

Hmm.. I really don’t know because this is my first time, so I’m not sure what guy’s thinking is or like what they want and what they need?

Sometimes I keep wondering what kind of girl guys would prefer.

Do they prefer a girl who keep caring and concern about them, or one that will leave them aside and let them do their things alone or mixture of both?

I’m not the type that will hang myself to a guy and keep questioning their daily activities, this and that.

Most of the time, I’ll just let him do what he want. I know his priority is playing computer games, and his computer is his NUMBER ONE baby (haha). So, I’ll just let him but sometimes I’ll SMS him and ask what is he doing, have you taken your meal and etc. Then, he’s off to his baby =)

That’s why I’m wondering am I doing the correct thing.

Sometimes I just feel that I’m still not good enough because when I ask him, his reply sounds so boring.

Maybe he’s busy.

Some people did ask me why I will like a ‘stone guy’.

My answer to them was, I don’t know, just the feeling I have =)

But one thing I realize is that, I did not make a wrong choice, just not a good one.

Wow, I didn't have so much fun today since the year 2011 starts.
Though it's only a short while, maybe around 2-3 hours but my heart is content. I think it's good for me to like chill myself out =)

I went to Mid Valley today to meet Kathy and Jaime. Both of them are my online friends and can said to be the closest one.
I'm not nervous at all when I know I'm about to meet them. It's kinda weird but I feel nice. So the moment we met each other, we were like laughing or something? Well I don't know. Jaime is the one who started asking whether am I Ching? and I asked him whether is he Jaime? So, both of us say yeah and head off for lunch.

Chilis! OMG! What am I suppose to eat here eh??
But since Jaime brought us there, so I just have to sit down and flip through the menu, but I don't really know how to order food from there so Jaime is the one who does that where Kathy and I just sit down there.

Well, both of them did surprise me a lot. I didn't know both of them are a smoker. I can't say anything so I'll just go with it.

What we did there after lunch was quite hectic. Kathy got to do her hair, they have to buy wedding gifts and a small bag or pouch for Kathy. Too many things to do in like 1 or 2 hours and their wedding dinner starts at 5.30pm sharp! So, they have to go back around 2.30pm?

But, at last they went back a bit late, i think it's like 3.30pm. Well I just hope both of them make it in time to their dinner.
Gosh~ I'm starting to miss them already. They were like so nice to me and I feel comfortable hanging out with them, though I know they're my net friends but who cares?? It's still a friendship =)

Personal view on,

Kathy
The moment I see her, I was like wow! I don't know how to put my words just simply gorgeous? elegant? But, one thing for sure is that she's way sexier than I ever imagine. I view her photo before and she's totally different as in that photo. She's nice, and she does know how to bring herself. The way she act is rather cute and a little bit 'manja'. It's like she'll get upset if she can't get what she want and I can feel that she cry easily?? Hmm... I don't really know how to explain but I'm happy to get to know a friend like her =)

Jaime
He knows what is he doing and he's confident that what comes out will be the best solution. This is what I can think of. I just feel it when we were doing some shopping. He's a nice guy too and he don't seriously look that old with his looking. If I first know him without knowing his age, I might get cheated by his age. One thing I find funny about him is that, the first question he asked me when we were having lunch was, what's your level now?? Oh god! I laughed when he asked me that and I was like, wth? are you out of topic now?? haha... It's really funny when you come out and talk about game, LMAO.

Seriously, I don't know what to say about them, but I do hope I can see them again. It's like a shorty gathering, as all of us are below average xD.

AND! I did many don'ts today...

I'm not suppose to take chicken

I'm not suppose to take cold stuffs

I'm not suppose to take spicy or fried foods

I'm not suppose to take beef

Guess what!? I took all these today =)

Just hope my condition won't get worst.

Too bad we don't have the time to take pictures together.
Really, really, really wish to meet them again.