Dear blog,

I got my MUET results today MORNING 2.18am, where I sent the SMS at 11.27pm. Can anyone ever imagine what feeling I had while waiting for the reply and at the same time sms-ing other friends. Every time when my phone beep, my heart stop beating for a second. You wouldn't never dare to look at the sender =D

So this morning, got up and saw they reply. It's weird that I'm not nervous as last night. I open the message. My IC number pass my eyes, and then my candidate number, lastly the word 'band'. I dare not scroll down but when I saw the top part of the number, I thought it was 2. I immediately scroll it down and I saw the number 3. Speechless for 3 seconds and I'm back.

Wow.... Band 3.. What would I going to tell my parents my result?? I'm surely they will be disappointed with it. Plus, it's unbelievable for me to get this result. I was relieved that it's not 2 but I'm still a bit sad and the next second, I didn't bother it anymore. I think I would if it's for IELTS.

It's indeed heartache where you're a person who speaks English at home since small and this is the results that you get. I know my mistakes during the test. So what I can say is, just leave this aside as there's more important things for me to worry of - A2. I can retake MUET anytime I want but not for A2.

So.... I think I will take IELTS first and then MUET again lol. I don't think I dare to screw my paper again for the next time, it's not fun at all =( and not to underestimate again.

Dear blog,

=D
Tarc is having a Science exhibition today
Everyone starts visiting the exhibition because of bouncing ball
We get to make one for ourselves with all those chemicals.
I got one but it's a failure, because the SMS member made it for me =(

I only got to make my own one after all my class end, which is 2pm.
Only few of us went back there as other friends went to sing K, and some straight back to home.
So, left me, Kenny, Jean Sean, Kar Yan and two more A class students.

When I enter the exhibition, I saw them standing at one of the 'booth'.
It's teaching us Sex Education.
I didn't notice it at first.
The only thing I notice is a small square plastic thingy.
The first question that pop out of my mind is what is that.
It's an expected expression that all of them were surprise that I didn't what that thing is.
So I thought for a while and make my guess.
I think it's a CONDOM, and I'm right =D

For life, I swear that's my first time looking at it.
Then, one of the SMS member open it and demo to us.
Another first question pop out into my mind - it looks like pacifier =)
The answer I got from Kenny is, eww... you're disgusting =)
Come on, it really looks like that weh...
Then, the SMS member place it on top on the measuring cylinder, look at me and tell me how I should wear this..
I immediately respond to him that, why should I learn. Kenny is the one who should learn (i point at him)
The SMS member said that I will have a husband later and have to wear for him???
SWT!!!!!
Please la.... I don't think I'll do that lol
After that I kept quiet and just observe.
I dare not touch it, seriously.
I feel that it's a good thing that I just see it =D

Then, Jean Sean open another packet that has coconut flavour.
I hate the smell.
Then, I saw on the board there written something.
Why do condoms have flavour??
Hmm.... I don't know this..
Then Kar Yan tell me is for oral sex???
I asked again, oral sex so????
Hahahaha...
I feel that I've been asking a lot of weird question today =)
Never mind, it's a good achievement today =)

AND...
I made my own purple bouncing ball =)
Now I have to reshape it into a ball =)

At the same time
I would like to say...
I'll miss you Jasmine =)

Dear blog,

Holiday is over but I'm still in my holiday mood. I can't even hold my book for more than 10 minutes. There'll always be something that will distract me. Recently, I watch a English drama call Vampire Diaries. I'm so in love with this drama now, perhaps drooling for it.

I like the storyline and the character. I don't know what will the book going to be, but if I want to compare it with Twilight movie, I'll put my thumb down in this show LOL. Ok! I admit that the main characters look better than Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Both of them are too skinny and it looks scary on Robert Pattinson in New Moon.

The 3 main characters in Vampire Diaries are Elena, played by Nina Dobrey, Stefan by Paul Wesley and Damon by Ian Somerhalder. I like Elena a lot, not because she's pretty but also act better than Kristen lol.. The story is so far so good and I think my dad is into this drama too. Well, I just hope season 2 can be released asap! =D

From left: Ian, Nina, Paul

Dear blog,

    I wanted to phone Joanne yesterday after reading her Facebook status, but I couldn’t. I understand how she felt because I’m also having the same problems. So I'm worried that I wasn’t able to calm her down and explain things to her.

   I always face the same thing as Joanne when i have to part with my friends, especially bestie. I didn’t told anyone before what happen when one of my friend is going to study at Australia. On that day, I couldn’t watch her enter the plane because I’m having Chemistry test. So i decided to phone her and just bid goodbye. Who knows, the moment I heard her voice and she said ‘hello’, my voice start to tremble. I want to show her that I’m tough enough to deal with it but I was wrong. I almost cried that time. Luckily she hang up the phone first before me. She got to enter the plane so we have to end our conversation there.

   The next thing is when my friends were about to go for NS. I seriously don’t know what is wrong with me that time. We had a gathering. At the end of the day, I was speechless. I didn’t speak nor laugh but just listen to what they say. I think this is the so call emo-ing. My friend send me back that day. On my way back, I broke into tears. I remember that everyone was terrified by my action. It’s quite funny when i think back. The only thing I told them is that I hate separation.

    From everything I’ve been through, I can know that I’m still not strong enough. Not strong enough to protect myself, so how can I protect others, I wonder. It seems to me that I’m still naive. I just dislike accepting or facing the reality. Everyone always say that friends will always deceive each other at the end. I really want to prove them wrong, because I believe that I always have a wonderful friends around me.

    Now, another friend, Jasmine might be leaving. She’s a good friend to Joanne. Even though I don’t know her well, but I was a bit sad too when I heard this news. She’s like a mom to me. The way she speak, her action, somehow make me feel so secure. Though she like to tease me by saying that she’s not a pure Malaysian, where her mom is a Philippine, or something. She’s a nice girl. I dislike her at first because I feel that she’s fierce. After knowing her, I know that she’s not like what I’ve been thinking of.

    So Joanne, I know why you will be sad. But the only thing I can say is that, we must be happy for her. She have decided her future, and she’s aiming towards her dreams. There’s no point holding her back. She maybe will be sad and unable to move on if she knows how you feel. I believe that you can be tougher than me. Yes, I know you have been with her all the time, long enough as though both of you are like sisters. So, I hope you can show her that you can still move on. Sometimes we really can’t depend on somebody else too long, as this will cause a bad habit to us. So now, here’s your chance, prove to her that you can also succeed just like her. Not to say is in academic, but in life. Don’t say that is impossible. There’re still many possibilities outside and you still have a long way to go. Pray deep in heart for Jasmine’s success. I believe this is what she’s hoping for now.

    At the mean time, if you need someone else to talk to, you’re always welcome to talk to anybody you like to. I believe we will always be there for you, my dear.

   I also think that I must be strong. So Jenny, by the time you come back from Australia, I want to show you that I’m becoming stronger and stronger =D. I will always know that our bond is unbreakable, though we quarrel, we laugh and we cried together for almost 8 years now, but just to say, thanks for everything.

Love you always.

Dear blog,

I'm finally back to my sweet home. I love my room as I have not been sleeping on it for four days.

On Saturday night, we really spent most of our time pillow talking at Joanne's room. Too many things to say, to talk to discuss. It's something that I've not been doing it for such a long time. Though I can't stay up the whole night but I manage to make my day until everyone agrees to sleep. I'll die if i don't sleep =(

The pity thing is that Chun Hoe had to break his own self discipline for not sleeping at 10pm, like he always use to do. There are many things that Chun Hoe did for his first time such as:
- taking bus to a different states
- sleep at a girl's house
- using other people's kitchen
- burnt his hand (a bit of oil splash on his hand while putting the meat into the frying pan)
and.... etc

Among these four days, I like the time when all of us cook our lunch together. I always cook at home but it's a totally different feeling from cooking with friends. Chun Hoe is definitely the chef and me, Joanne, Elly, Shin Cher, Wan Yee and Chua are his helper. It's very funny and cute of Chun Hoe for his nervousness when cooking. He always claim that he cook badly and fail =="but in my, or maybe all of our opinion, he's the best. Even though I cook all the time, but I don't think I am able to cook like him.

After lunch, Joanne brings all of us to eat Portuguese egg-tart, except me =( because I have a family dinner later. After eating egg tarts, they went to a stall to drink coconut shake and lastly Jonker Walk. I'm a bit sad that I wasn't able to follow them especially to Jonker T_T. By the way, we got to know one of Joanne's senior. I don't know what's her name, but I feel that she's a sweet girl. She's cute in her own way and......... I like her in person. After that, I meet up with them at Jalan Ong Kim Wee to eat satay celup.

We then head back to Joanne's house. Joanne had a terrible driving during that night LOL. Since Saturday is the last day of our trip, everyone start pillow talking and even the boys enter Joanne's room. We talk and talk and talk non stop until 5am only decide to go to sleep. So the next day, I woke up at 11am (the latest) and the earliest I think is Chun Hoe.

One more funny thing is that, Joanne's senior suspect their relationship between Chua and Chun Hoe. This really make everyone laugh non stop. Who ask them to share food together and go and wash hands together hahaha..

So in overall, we calculated that we ate more than 30 types of food during our trip to Malacca. I think everyone will gain weight and I think is time for us to exercise =D

Dear blog,

Well, I finally got over with my AS examination today. I seriously can't sleep yesterday because I'm going back to Malacca and at the same time getting my freedom for a while.

Finishing this exam is something that I have been waited for, though I will meet another nightmare in August as my results will be released. However, I think I should carry on with my life. To me, just be positive for whatever that had done (taught by the book 'Law of Attraction and Secret'.

So now, I'm in Malacca now while writing this blog. All thanks to Jo Ann for her good driving skills that manage to get us to Malacca from KL for her first time highway driving experience. It's indeed an tired day today but I doesn't want to sleep so early because I don't want to end my day so fast today.

Well.... Just forget everything that I have answer in my Chemistry test today. I believe I have did my best and putting all my effort in it.. So stay focus and I will always believe that I can score straight As for AS xD

Sometimes I really feel like running away from home.
Everyone will always say that home is the most comfortable place to go and live in.
It have its warmth and comfort given by your family.
But.. In my opinion, this kind of place will only depend on which home you got.

I wouldn't say that I have a terrible home right now. I'm satisfied with what I have right now. But there's always one thing that I can't barely stand.

Sometimes, I really don't understand why is it so difficult to get their support. I don't understand why they always like to compare me with other people. Don't they think this is kinda childish?? I know that we must have opponent in order for us to improve ourselves. But what's the point of laughing at your own family member when other people beat he/she?

Everyone is unique in their own way. No one is perfect. We should always try to accept their weaknesses but not laughing and criticizing on it.

Yes... I understand I'm going to wear braces in just less than a week. This means that my AS exam is just around the corner. I understand that wearing this thingy is not easy as it hurts and I require a lot of courage to put it on and bare it for at least 2 months. Thus, I indirectly need support.

The thing that I don't understand is what is it so funny on putting those thing on? I seriously don't understand why my brother always like to compare me and my sister. My sister is wearing it now, for almost a month. Why the hell does he have to say that I'll look ugly in putting on braces while my sister wouldn't?? Where the hell did I offend him???? Well not to say, everyone always thought I offend them all the time as I will always talk back to them. Try to think of it, maybe sometimes I was wrong and I feel guilty about it. But does he ever feel guilty about it?? I just want to make things right. For example, playing computer games for the whole day without doing anything, especially homework is wrong. I know that I should not bother them too much, but in the end who will get the blame??? Who's future will vanished?? I was just trying to help them but they don't seems to understand what am I doing.. No point telling them because they wouldn't listen.

Okay, talking about braces. Yes.. I'm having this rubbers in the mouth, between 4 teeth and it's irritating and annoying because I can't eat a single damn thing. It will hurt if i ever chew hard. So is there any mistake if I complain about it? It's not what I want to have it this year!! I don't have the choice man! Why would they like to compare me and my sister?? My mom asked my sister that why is she still able to eat while the rubbers are in her mouth? She answered that she's strong LOL. Fine then for whatever she say. Keep in mind that I'm not jealous of her. I felt unfairness in it!

Maybe I'm also being naive in whatever I wrote in here but these are my feelings! There's nothing wrong about expressing it. I do not which to write anything but I endure too much and I just can't stand it anymore. I remember once, my brother told me one thing that really pissed me off. He said, I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't exist in this world. I shouldn't be in this family!!!
WTF!!! This is not what I want ok Mr.??? If he say like that, why don't he ask himself??? I tried not to listen to what he says as I just simply do my things without answering his question. But, deep inside my heart, it's just like a knife just stab my heart for a few times continuously.

Jo Anne, I think I finally understand what it's meant to be 便利贴. Sometimes you think and care for others but the only thing you got back is a piece of shit. That's how they repay you. I fed up with this kind of life. But, I would want to say, this is me and that is how it makes me unique in my own. If those people think that they want to get advantage from me, the only message that I can give is

GET LOST!!