what i feel towards college life

To some people, they feel that college life is much better than secondary life. Yes, i agree with this. Students are able to 'ponteng' whenever they like and without teacher catching them or enter the decipline room.

To me, even though college life have more freedom than secondary life, but i somehow still misses secondary life. What make me feel like that is because of FRIENDS! For me, friends mean more than myself. In secondary i definitely have great bunch of friends, my gang, friends from other class like emily, rachel, eu wing and etc. To me, they're like a miracle which trigger some unexpected event, like... hmm.. well i don't know what event, just i had the feeling of it.

In college, i feel that i really lack of all these. Everyone is in different course or different class. I met my former tuition friend who also appear to be my classmate. At first i thought it was great but as days go on, i don't seem is that happy after all. How to say? Erm.. is just like i find it hard for myself to join or enter a conversation. But she... i don't know how to say, she can easily join in a conversation which i had with another friend, and later both of them can keep talking and then i'm out of that 'boundary'. This makes me feel like i'm an outcast and i have to isolate myself everytime. Then, they say i'm EMO haha... Yes.. i may seems emo to people but what's the factor of it?

Ok.. maybe i'm too sensitive or think too much. Yes.. i do care how people treat me. I can put my full attention on people in caring their feelings, understand them but can they do that to me? I'm not asking for a repay or getting attention. It's just that i don't like and can't bear getting cold shoulders. Sometimes, i really ask myself why do i want to spend my time thinking about people who don't appreciate me. I also can't answer that question, is just part of me to be like that. Erm.. there's eventually some people that i don't care much, and that's because i'm not close with them or they hurt me so much that i feel is already a betrayal.

Maybe i misunderstood something and really sorry for that. But now... being in SN10C, i may seems as a poor student (they arranged according to spm results and i got to know that i'm the poorest, maybe), but i really hope people can help. Due to my poor understanding, i have to find people who is patient enough to help me as i need repeating explanation. Who's willing to be the one??