I've been feeling extremely stress lately and most of it is due to the dispensing exam that I'll be having soon, add on with another 3500 words report that I need to submit in April, which I've not start to do anything about it.

Well my purpose for this post today is to say something to 3 special girls I have in class (although I don't know if will they be reading this or not). I don't know if this is an one-sided feeling, but I'm definitely feeling something isn't going on very well between us.

Lately, I start finding myself to be left out. At first I thought it was a temporary event but apparently it's not. I'm starting to feel like I'm being an outcast. Honestly speaking, I don't really blend well with huge groups.

I seriously have no idea what I've done wrong, but if I did, I'm truly sorry to these 3 girls. Maybe everything starts off when we were thinking on where to stay while studying in the UK. Initially, I planned to stay with them, and if they agree, I'd start finding houses there or get an agent for us to do all the arrangements. Sadly, they rejected the offer of staying together die to personal reasons. I understand them entirely and respected their decision.

Then, I found out that 2 of them will be staying with my other classmates. At that instant, I was indeed feeling down but wasn't able to do anything though because I'm not that thick face to beg them to stay with me. They have their right to stay with whoever they wanted to.

I was sad because I thought we're close. I thought they'd be happy if we stay together because we did discussed about this long ago when we're still in level 1. I guess things changed according to situation.

So, that's how things got until today.

I spent days and times asking myself over and over again on what I've did wrong. Well to me, friends are my fighting spirits. Without these girls, I don't know where would I be. I don't call them special for nothing.

Each people definitely plays an important role in my life and I'll learnt something from them. What about enemies? Do I have one? Hmm.. Let's say there's no garden without its weeds. Literally, it means that nothing is perfect, each person do make mistakes. Some people did offended me in the past but as time goes by, I sort of forgiven them. I don't have the time to hate people that long, I find it pointless doing so actually.

So now, for these girls, I really don't know what I've done to make them react like now (ok I repeated that thrice already). Ok, maybe I did do something wrong which somehow indirectly offended them or one way and another. I would be happy if they could be frank with me. Let me know so I could changed. That's what I normally tell people. For now, I would like to use this opportunity to make my apology to them.

I really treasure them a lot. They did many things for me and I am appreciated and grateful for that. I can't bear to see how we got drifted apart day by day.

And about the staying in UK, after thinking for many days or maybe even weeks and, putting and considering everything together, I made myself believe that most probably they'll feel better staying with the other classmates. After all, they are close to each other, which from then I know where I stand.

Apart from my deepest apologies, I really need to thank all of them for being there for when I needed them last time. I am happy to get to know them and feeling fortunate to have them. Thanks! =)

This song is dedicated to them to extend my apology. I really hope there's something I can do to make up to them but maybe for now, this is how far I can go. *everyone is busy with studies*

CNY is over way long ago~

Sorry I was caught up with reports again that I couldn't manage to write a post.

Yea.. I've been thinking a lot lately too.

I'm starting to wonder where should I belong to. I don't find myself able to fit into the class like before. Not sure if I'm starting to be treated like an outcast. 

Well I'm the type who normally stays quiet and observe everything from a side. So that's what I found and feel based on my observation.

Honestly, I don't know what will happen to me once I'm in the UK. It looks like everyone has their own plans and obviously I can never be part of it lol.

Who would want others to be part in their life? Duh..

I hope I can really make it till the end. Fighting alone is never easy.
Although I prefer to solo most of the times but there're times I know it's not workable, this is not a game ><.

I'm so lost until I start to wonder if I've made the correct decision.
I know it's too late to turn back right now and all I have to do is moving forward.
But, along the path I'm walking right now I'm not sure if I could see anyone walking with me.

I hope they are people who's willing to be there for me.

Happy CNY and Valentine's day.

Sorry I've been away for a long trip from Malacca to Singapore.
What a splendid moment to have for this one whole week.

No doubt, I've been eating and eating during my stay in Malacca. Then headed to JB to visit Jia Qi. Oh man, I feel that I owe her lots, as it really lotssssssssssssss. Without her help I guess it'll be hard for me to complete one of my 2013's resolution.

I promise myself I'll go Singapore and I'm there right now and just got back today.

Oh and throughout this whole trip planning, I've lied to some people especially my family. I'm really sorry to behave in such a way because I'm afraid things might get worst, so I just want it to go on smoothly. Sorry mom, dad and sis.

The reason why I couldn't tell them the truth about my Singapore trip is because I'm going there alone to meet Glenn, which is my boyfriend. Mom and dad don't know I'm dating someone and they wouldn't approve it if they knew.

I had a wonderful time with Glenn, one that it's impossible to describe by only words. I never knew this day will come so fast and I'm really glad it did. Somehow I just wish that I had 48 hours or more instead of 24 for yesterday. I really love the moments we're together.

Right now I'm back to Malaysia and I know I'm so gonna miss him a lot. I hope the both of us can really last and praying that both of us can succeed in life, and help each other later on =).

Yay!! Finally it's holiday now~

CNY is just around the corner so I guess I need to get myself prepare. But still there're too many things to do >.<.

I won't be at home for the whole week, busy going here and there. Since this will be my last year celebrating in Malaysia, I wanna make it memorable =D. Hope I could get BIGGER ang pows =3.

And yea.. I'm very exhausted now. Today is Jenny's Birthday and so the girls and I decided to have a picnic. Guess where, my house LOL. This is really laughing my ass off. Too funny~ Can you imagine the all of us sitting at the car porch??? Neighbours gave us a weird look when they passed by my house hahahaha.

It's fun anyway =)). I love meeting with them because they're just as crazy as ever!! xD

Alright, that's all for now, I need restttttttt, very sleepy though hehe..

A very big congratulations to myself that so far things are settled down now. I'm done with that freaking report which made me stay up until 6.30am. I guess I've only slept for 2.5 hours that day. Anyway, it's over now so I'm not going to think about it again, just hope I pass this one. #pray

Next, Jenny is back!! I'm definitely very happy about this since I don't get to see her all the time (she's currently working in Australia). I love being with her, I love her presence and I love the time we spent together always.

10 years... How fast time flies =).
We spent our time together for the past few days, with her boyfriend and brother as well =).
No one can ever imagine the bond between us. I just know we've been through hard and sweet times together, quarrels or fights etc but I'm grateful that all these made us stronger. Other than one person, no one can ever understand me like she does, so I should say I'm really fortunate to get to know her.

Alright! Time to continue with my studies or report again since I've been slacking for these few days *heh*


I'm glad to have you around, you're just simply irreplaceable. I love you, Jenny ma >.<

Finally got to rest a bit today since everything has been postponed. It's a good and bad news actually. Good news is I got to relax and slowly focus on one, but the bad news is, I'll be facing lots of exam in just a small period of time.

That's not the main point for today actually.

These few days I've been busy and stressing over many things. Another one just 'droop by' when I'm not even done with one. And, I'm guessing I've made a wrong estimation.

The guilt is always there in me right now but I've no idea on how to solve it. I don't want to make any unnecessary moves which cause the situation to be more complex anymore. It's already too complex right now. Everything deviates from what I imagined. This is really beyond my expectation and it's really sickening for not being able to solve it.

I just want to apologize to those who are involve, sincerely and deeply. I'm sorry. I really never thought this will turn out like this. Perhaps a simple apology doesn't work anymore but I really hope we could still be how we used to be. I don't want such a small thing to came in between us, it's not worth it at all.

I know these people love and care for me a lot, and they're worrying for me all the time.

It's alright guys, I know what I'm doing and I'm really living fine now. I'm big enough to understand things even though I may need some guidance at times. But let me solve this myself, I promise I won't get hurt. Even if I do, I promise not to complain about it because I know I need to bear the responsibilities myself. I appreciate every advice given by you guys, really. I've had you guys worry too much about me and not to say causing many troubles. I can't bear to see things keep going round and round and definitely don't wish to cause anymore burden. I'm really sorry if whatever I've done have cause anger in you. You may choose not to forgive me but I'll always remember your existence and the importance of having you. Thanks so much for being with me all the time, through the good and bad ones. I do hope we're always one even after I've gone to UK in 7 months time from now. Love you guys lotss.

Head feels heavy the whole day today, even after I took panadol and had a 4 hours nap.

Too stress lately and many things to think about.

Expectation, demands, hopes, wishes etc.

Can't take it anymore. Lights off.


'Who is willing to stay back for me?'