I think I slacked quite a lot ever since I gave myself one day break ==.

Anyway... Today is Friday, ermm nope Saturday now~ *Damn time flies*

And so, I managed to ask Dr. Mak about my literature review's topic and how thoughtful of him for searching for me as well. Annnnnnnnddddd, he explained it to me so I think part of the doubts that I've is cleared now. #thankful #=)

Oh ya, Friday morning I'm unsure if I've made the correct decision. I just somehow let someone know something I don't really want that person to know, hmm.. Even though that person said he's not mad but.. I don't feel good about this. Hope I'm thinking too much again, as usual X.X.

Well I'm sorry if it's really harsh, and yea it is, like you said to me. I really didn't mean to actually, just very down that time. So...... I'M SORRYYYYYY~ T.T

OK! Need to sleep, have to go for Outbac camp tomorrow *ughh*

I'm just goooooona take a break for today =).

Esthy asked me why am I looking so wan lately this morning.

Erm.. Stress perhaps >.< and on top of that I've been thinking quite a lot lately. I got a little upset that things didn't turn out the way I wanted.

So for today, I'm gonna take a break from everything, especially my literature review, which actually caused most of it.

And..... I would like to thank someone who called me yesterday night and we chatted for quite some time. I felt better after that even though I refuse to end the call *wahaha*
Thanks for always be by my side =).

Hmm... Just thought of something yesterday. I've decided to give myself one more try. I read a quote and it says, if you're giving up right now, then why hold it for so long in the first place? So, I'm going to continue hold on to it again.
Next year! I'll definitely achieve it. Well of course, the earlier the better =).

OK! Got to continue my relax time. Tomorrow will be another busy day @.@

I don't know what else can I do.

Apart from being so clueless about my assignment, I've just received a bad news. A bad BAD news.

From this bad news, I was wondering if is this what God is arranging for me? If yes, then I would like to know why.
I always believe, everything happens for a reason. So, why would Him stop me this time??

I planned on going down to Singapore to meet the girls and kid at the same time.
Things were working out fine.
I was overjoy when Elaine told me that I could stay at her place, this save me up lots of money.
Too bad, at the end things don't really seems to work.

The girls will be busy with their own plannings, and kid might be having test that week.

I already knew what bad news it'll be but I still broke down at the end.
Because this is MY WISH, one that I desire so so much and it just slipped away from my hands so easily.

I don't blame them for having plannings on that day.
In fact, I blamed myself for being selfish, for not being considerate.
Everyone will definitely have their own planning on Christmas and yet I was hoping or maybe wanting them to spend their time with me.

I'm sorry.

From the bottom of my heart, I hope you guys, especially Jia Ying can enjoy that day to the max =).


It really doesn't matter anymore if I couldn't meet kid. It's like part of me is starting to give up on the hope of meeting him.
Because I really don't want to be the only one who's putting the effort.
If... by next year we still fail to meet, I'm...... going to make the worst decision ever in my life.


Well, let's hope it'll go smoothly next year.
And for tomorrow, pray hard that I can get a single clue about that freaking assignment.

I think I finally know what is my this assignment about.

Litreature Review. It is to review the researches done by scientists/researchers in a particular subject/area.

So basically I need to study those research done by people and come out with my own review and evaluate it?? #wtf

Hell man! This is the very first time I'm doing this. I'm not trained with it, so how am I going to know what's the proper way to write?
Google search for example!!! I straight give this face (=.=)  to anyone who ask me to do this. It's easier to say than done.
It's just like asking a kid to walk even without teaching him or by telling him verbally???

Simply by theory doesn't help. I believe we need some guidance in how to write, at least an example?? Or any ways?
We're so unfamiliar with the formats and not sure what is appropriate and what is not.

Well I did Google up on HOW TO WRITE, but I don't get it at all.
No idea what's going on even though I can roughly tell what's a litreature review is now.

Then, just read some post posted by lecturer about this OSCE thing. Hell! Now we have more to know/study/learn.
Gosh! I think I'm going to have a mental breakdown.
It's freakingly giving me a phobia to view that group page already.

One week break is ending soon and what I've done? Nothing much.. I just know I have this 3500 words essay on my shoulder which makes me unable to enjoy till my heart content.

Rowatinex in treating kidney stones. My topic for this essay. Hint: Rowatinex efficacy. The topic sounds easy and I've got some tips to start before my break. And so.. I started my research today, yea today xD. Crap~ I've found nothing at all from the web, not even a single chemical structure. Is Google being mean to me right now? Hmm..

I'm so lost now. From that topic I thought I could start discussing on the use, it's pharmacology (dynamic and kinetic -ADME), metabolides, chemical structure, side effects or perhaps history. So many points right to write a dreadfully long essay. But too bad none of the info I want can be found on the net. The net just tells me bunch of sales thingy which I don't want. I need a RELIABLE source to write my essay man, a professional one. I also found some or actually most of the articles about the same experiment which it's aim is to find the effectiveness of that drug after ESWL (extrapoceal sound wave lithotripsy). What's next after this???

Ok!! I know the so call short mechanism action of Rowatinex. It is a diuresis which reduced renal spasm so the renal way dilates, more stones can be removed and increase renal blood flow. When I knoelw this I was like, oh I see, then? What's next? I'm not seeking for spoon feeding, it's just that I can't find extra info. That simple action doesn't explains much. Sorry to say I'm not a genius so don't expect me to know everything. If I do, I won't be here xD.

So.. I'm extremely lost right now. I don't know how to start a word in that blank sheet page. And!! I need to submit 2 weeks later. Sounds long but not. I'll be having mock law test next Tuesday, no idea how is it going to be done and soon mock OSCE, one of the killing exam. Arghh!!!

Rowatinex please be kind with me T.T. I need to do my assignment. I'm clueless and no point at all. And yea I would like to apologise to my dad. He wanted to see my test results I sat last week and apparently I refuse it harshly. One, I'm on game, not really convenient that moment. Two, my results didn't meet my expectation, so I don't want him to see. So, I'm really sorry. Can't blame me for being a partial perfectionist. I promise to let him see if and only if my results are good!

Ok!! 4.33am now, all thanks to Rowa for keeping me worried for not able to think of ideas @.@. Be nice to me tomorrow. Tataz and nights.

Yesterday rushed assignment until so late, sooooooo I just woke up not long ago..

Well I have no choice but to complete it within 2 days since I have test and exam in the same week. But thank god that Dr. Audrey changed the dateline to today. Now, it's 95% completed, left one more part to go *phew*.

And...... After this there's another one freaking long to submit (3500 words essay) ==.
I hope I can complete this. This will be my first time ever to write such longggggg report and it based on only one topic, and we need to dig out many infos from that topic. @.@

Oh ya! another report as well, a short one but I've done that earlier on. It's just that I've exceeded the words limit so not sure if I'm going to reduce it since this is a group report.

Anyway.. That's all for now, gotta continue on the final part.

I'm still awake at this hour!
Looking out from my balcony, closing my eyes and feeling the night breeze, many memories keep passing through.
Not going to explain why am I doing so, but if anyone had experienced this, they'll surely know the reasons =).

Guess I'm really crazy~

Well I've not update my blog for quite some time. I was busy with tests and finally over, now assignments then test again @.@.

But right now I'm just trying to clear my head.
Too many things keep flashing in my mind and I don't know what to do about it.

Listening to songs in Moonlight That Embraces The Sun (a KDrama) is really so soothing.
The lyrics describe so much about my feelings right now.
Yea! How nice if I could travel through time *like the song in Back In Time by Lyn*.

Guess people will think I'm weak that I always want to go back to time.
Well what to do, things don't turn out I thought it would be?
Yea I know I should face it bravely, but I'm facing it alone and I'm somehow scared.

Well guess I'm suppose to sleep right now.
Hopefully every troubles and thoughts can just disappear when I wake up tomorrow.

On nights when wind blows

I gently close my eyes

It feels like you are right next to me

Without words, I follow and walk towards you

Step by step everyday

But I can't approach you