It has been a year since I last posted. Life is never easy, there are ups and downs. But here I am, proceeding to my final year of Pharmacy. 

I believe 2015 would be a tough year for me: getting ready for finals and graduate, pre-reg pharmacy vacancy, accommodation, friends etc. There are so many things for me to consider and involve. Hence, I need to set a new resolution for myself.

2015 resolutions:

1. Eat clean and diet

2. Study and work hard

3. Keep myself together

4. Be brave and tough

5. Pass my Pharmacy year with at least a second class upper honour 

6. Getting a pre-reg pharmacy place

7. Not letting others take an advantage of me

8. Lesser involvement with her

Hopefully everything can get on smoothly. 

'I may not be wanted but I am the one to choose who will stay by my side'

Happy belated new year!

It's been a while since I last update myself here. Well, my life gets busier the moment my semester starts. I didn't expect my life in UK to be such hectic. But, all those are gone right now.

Currently, I am having my summer break and I am stuck in this place for 3 months, maybe before my new semester starts again. Why didn't I go for a trip? It's a long story but I'm too lazy to explain things in detailed right now haha.

Everyday I roll on my bed until noon as I am really bored. I got tired of doing what I want. In fact, I don't know what to do. All my friends are not around, they are visiting around Europe haha. There is nothing much to do in Sunderland. Night life is merely clubs and pubs, which I'm not interested at all.

Now, I'm still considering my journey back to Malaysia. But before that, I have to visit Singapore :D. Not sure if I'm making a right decision, that's why it's still in consideration. Should I go back or should I remain here? I have all my time to think until my results in release in end of June. Yeah, I have to pass this finals. I need to. I must to. The feeling of retaking the paper is dreadful, trust me. I really hope all my hard work paid of. To be honest, this is the first time ever I've seen myself so hardworking. I'm not a person who likes to spend my time in the library until I got here lol.

Oh well, let's hope for the best now. Pray hard that I can pass this huge hurdle. Nights..

Cheers

Took a six hours flight from KLIA to Dubai. Wow.. It's harder than I expected. I was so tired before the flight and so I was hoping I could at least get some rest in the plane. Things don't seem to go my way. I could barely sleep. The engine of the plane was quite loud and the passenger behind me hit my chair once a while. I had migraine. Thank God I have panadol with me and without second thought, I just swallowed two pills of that. 

It was 4.20am, Dubai time zone when I reached Dubai airport. That place was damn huge, even bigger than KLIA. Well guess I just follow where my friends are heading. Of course I'm not going there blindly. Got to stay at the airport for about 3 hours before the next flight to New Castle. Well, time flies though and I am now in my next flight to uni.

I was a bit worried to be honest. I don't really feel much excitement as before. First, I don't know who will I be staying with, I don't know my housemates, will they be nice person? I hope to get housemates who are mature and nice, less dramas please... Second, I don't know how or where to start my journey. What should I do the moment I get there?? Friends seems to be together and seriously I don't wanna be left out again like before. I want someone who I could rely on when I need help, someone who will always be there for me and someone like ODF. 

I hope I'm not requesting much. I'm starting to miss my baby. I wonder what is he doing now. Somehow I feel that my body and soul love Singapore a lot. Not because of Glenn and Elaine, but the location. It's near to Malaysia and their culture is the same as Malaysia. I could go anywhere I want at Singapore too. I don't mind it being small, I just want to be happy, like I could really enjoy myself. I know everything it's up to my thinking, that's why I'm trying hard to stay positive. 

Oh God, please let me have a nice journey and life in UK, just for these two years. I'll repay somehow for graduating from this course and be a successful pharmacist. I'll definitely use my skill not for my benefits but others. I wanna be with Glenn too. So for these two years or maybe four, help me make our relationship strong. I feel bad for asking so much but praying is the only thing I could do now. I'd just have to do my best for the rest. Thanks!!

p/s: I'm typing using my iPhone, so it may seems lengthy

Hai!! I guess it had been a long time since my last post. Well I'm sorry as I was busy with lots of stuffs such as exams, trips and preparing myself to study abroad.

Yup! So, I'm in the UK right now. Which part of the UK? Sunderland. Hmm.. I wonder if anyone knows where Sunderland is because it's not really a big city, that's why not many people pay much attention to it. Ok! So it is located to the North East of London, around 45 minutes drive from New Castle. Still don't know where it is?? Here's a picture to it.

I reached here yesterday so I'm still not used to the environment and lifestyle here. No shopping or eating out at night, geez. Most of the shops are closed at 5pm, so we need to rush everything or else we will have to wait until the next day.

I'm staying in the hostel and today a few of the housemates entered. So far, I've talked to two girls. Both of them are from Taiwan, nice isn't it? =) I heard a guy's voice from a room when I was heading to the kitchen so I don't know who's that yet. Well, I love my room and I just want PEACE in my for 9 months, maybe. 

Alright! Got to go.. It's not really late here but I'm pretty tired XD. So tataz..

Report report report report~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!

Why is that I have so much reports to do??????? After report then exam, do I really have the time to study??????

Sigh....

But I found myself starting to slack, I don't know why but I can't seems to find the motivation to go on.

I really need to try my best to find back myself.

Wish me luck..

Approximately another 30 minutes, our dispensing exam is officially ended. I was in the first group so I'm at my home now.

Dispensing exam is indeed a stressful exam that I have to overcome. To overcome my fear and panic. This time, I managed to submit all my prescription but with the last one not completely done. I scribble my answer sheet as I don't have much time to complete it. It was a drug interaction prescription that I did before during practice. I can say that God is being very kind and helpful to me. All lecturers are very helpful and the prescription I got is not that I've yet seen before, maybe one or two which is new to me.

I was panicking and nervous all the way since the exam starts until an hour left before the exam ends. I thought I had the time and so I slowed down my pace. But then only I realised that it needs more time for me to figure out the appropriate drug. I did this before but I forgotten and start panicking even more. My mind was blank. I couldn't think so much and just dispensing both of the drug that have interaction. By that time, I know I'm going to fail this already.

After everything ended, I broke down. I just couldn't take the stress anymore. Friends told me that it's alright not to change the drug, provided I mentioned about preventive measure or extra precaution steps to be taken. I did in my counselling but not knowing if the marker is able to read my handwriting. Then only I recalled back then I left out the solution box empty, which makes me worried even more.

Now, although I've dispense this prescription, there's  a 50 : 50 chance that I'll fail. It's really a great pressure  retaking this exam. Apart from all of these, I'm proud of myself in a way that I managed to dispense 7 completely. Normally, I failed to do that due to lack of understanding. Despite me saying these, I'll be sad if I have to go back once more. Everyone knows how terrible it is. Right now, it's over and the only thing I could do is praying hard that I can pass this, even if its just a borderline pass.

I don't really want anything else except successfully finishing my pharmacy course. I hope God will help me once again and I'm really sorry for asking too much. Like I said, I have 3500 words report waiting for me and I'll be having mock OSCE next week. Studying pharmacy is really a stressful but I know I can do it. My motive is just to graduate and help as many people as I can. I don't care if I'm able to earn lots, most important thing is other people's safety. So, right now let's just all pray that I can pass this dispensing exam and all my other exams successfully with one go. I'll always be gratitude to it.

May God be with us all.

Hi!!

Not going to drag very long this time. I'll be having my very first dispensing exam in few hours time.

Wishing good luck to all my fellow classmates and myself. Let's do this peeps!! We can do it!!

Praying hard at the same time that I CAN COMPLETE ALL IN 3 HOURS AND WITH 100% ACCURACY!! =DD

I need to be cool and calm.

Ok nightss..

I just had my mock dispensing exam and the result is kinda disastrous. I still couldn't manage to finish 8 prescription in 3 hours. We need to do so or else we'll fail. I only manage to complete 5 and out of that, I only got 2 correctly. The remaining 3 is some silly mistakes that made me failed. Oh, we're not allow to made errors by the way, so mean it needs to be 100% correct.

Since this is just a mock, it reflects on how should I study for the actual one on this coming Tuesday. Mr John Sherwood saw me in a paranoid condition and he asked me to calm down LOL. Yah, I really am freaking out right now. Don't even feel like going to Uni actually but that's not something to be discussed *haha*.

I left with few more days before my actual dispensing. There's nothing more I could ask for beside passing this. Even Mr. John also said that this exam it's the greatest pressure most student felt so far, and failing it will be at an even greater pressure. This exam really is pressuring, you can feel the atmosphere is so tense on the day of the mock exam, and it'll be worst on the actual day, as said by Mr. John. Well, I really really really NEED to pass this exam. I know I need to manage my time properly and gain confident into this.

Let's pray hard together. I wish all the best to me and my classmates!

May God help us all.

Then after this exam, I'll be busy with lots of stuffs. My second 3500 words assignment is still on pending. *Remember how I did for the first time?? Stressful~* I've not started it yet and I was informed I'll be needing to submit around mid-April, which is less than a month from now *omg*. I hope I can really finish this by time as it's part of the work for my course. Then, I'll be having OSCE and Law Exam, lastly the final paper. Damn, there're lots of it, isn't it? Time is what I needed the most right now.

Man, I do want to pass this second year smoothly and fly off to UK this August. I only have one wish now, to pass all my exams and GRADUATE smoothly. I really need to put in lots of effort.

May God be with us all.

#prayhard

I've been feeling extremely stress lately and most of it is due to the dispensing exam that I'll be having soon, add on with another 3500 words report that I need to submit in April, which I've not start to do anything about it.

Well my purpose for this post today is to say something to 3 special girls I have in class (although I don't know if will they be reading this or not). I don't know if this is an one-sided feeling, but I'm definitely feeling something isn't going on very well between us.

Lately, I start finding myself to be left out. At first I thought it was a temporary event but apparently it's not. I'm starting to feel like I'm being an outcast. Honestly speaking, I don't really blend well with huge groups.

I seriously have no idea what I've done wrong, but if I did, I'm truly sorry to these 3 girls. Maybe everything starts off when we were thinking on where to stay while studying in the UK. Initially, I planned to stay with them, and if they agree, I'd start finding houses there or get an agent for us to do all the arrangements. Sadly, they rejected the offer of staying together die to personal reasons. I understand them entirely and respected their decision.

Then, I found out that 2 of them will be staying with my other classmates. At that instant, I was indeed feeling down but wasn't able to do anything though because I'm not that thick face to beg them to stay with me. They have their right to stay with whoever they wanted to.

I was sad because I thought we're close. I thought they'd be happy if we stay together because we did discussed about this long ago when we're still in level 1. I guess things changed according to situation.

So, that's how things got until today.

I spent days and times asking myself over and over again on what I've did wrong. Well to me, friends are my fighting spirits. Without these girls, I don't know where would I be. I don't call them special for nothing.

Each people definitely plays an important role in my life and I'll learnt something from them. What about enemies? Do I have one? Hmm.. Let's say there's no garden without its weeds. Literally, it means that nothing is perfect, each person do make mistakes. Some people did offended me in the past but as time goes by, I sort of forgiven them. I don't have the time to hate people that long, I find it pointless doing so actually.

So now, for these girls, I really don't know what I've done to make them react like now (ok I repeated that thrice already). Ok, maybe I did do something wrong which somehow indirectly offended them or one way and another. I would be happy if they could be frank with me. Let me know so I could changed. That's what I normally tell people. For now, I would like to use this opportunity to make my apology to them.

I really treasure them a lot. They did many things for me and I am appreciated and grateful for that. I can't bear to see how we got drifted apart day by day.

And about the staying in UK, after thinking for many days or maybe even weeks and, putting and considering everything together, I made myself believe that most probably they'll feel better staying with the other classmates. After all, they are close to each other, which from then I know where I stand.

Apart from my deepest apologies, I really need to thank all of them for being there for when I needed them last time. I am happy to get to know them and feeling fortunate to have them. Thanks! =)

This song is dedicated to them to extend my apology. I really hope there's something I can do to make up to them but maybe for now, this is how far I can go. *everyone is busy with studies*

CNY is over way long ago~

Sorry I was caught up with reports again that I couldn't manage to write a post.

Yea.. I've been thinking a lot lately too.

I'm starting to wonder where should I belong to. I don't find myself able to fit into the class like before. Not sure if I'm starting to be treated like an outcast. 

Well I'm the type who normally stays quiet and observe everything from a side. So that's what I found and feel based on my observation.

Honestly, I don't know what will happen to me once I'm in the UK. It looks like everyone has their own plans and obviously I can never be part of it lol.

Who would want others to be part in their life? Duh..

I hope I can really make it till the end. Fighting alone is never easy.
Although I prefer to solo most of the times but there're times I know it's not workable, this is not a game ><.

I'm so lost until I start to wonder if I've made the correct decision.
I know it's too late to turn back right now and all I have to do is moving forward.
But, along the path I'm walking right now I'm not sure if I could see anyone walking with me.

I hope they are people who's willing to be there for me.

Happy CNY and Valentine's day.

Sorry I've been away for a long trip from Malacca to Singapore.
What a splendid moment to have for this one whole week.

No doubt, I've been eating and eating during my stay in Malacca. Then headed to JB to visit Jia Qi. Oh man, I feel that I owe her lots, as it really lotssssssssssssss. Without her help I guess it'll be hard for me to complete one of my 2013's resolution.

I promise myself I'll go Singapore and I'm there right now and just got back today.

Oh and throughout this whole trip planning, I've lied to some people especially my family. I'm really sorry to behave in such a way because I'm afraid things might get worst, so I just want it to go on smoothly. Sorry mom, dad and sis.

The reason why I couldn't tell them the truth about my Singapore trip is because I'm going there alone to meet Glenn, which is my boyfriend. Mom and dad don't know I'm dating someone and they wouldn't approve it if they knew.

I had a wonderful time with Glenn, one that it's impossible to describe by only words. I never knew this day will come so fast and I'm really glad it did. Somehow I just wish that I had 48 hours or more instead of 24 for yesterday. I really love the moments we're together.

Right now I'm back to Malaysia and I know I'm so gonna miss him a lot. I hope the both of us can really last and praying that both of us can succeed in life, and help each other later on =).

Yay!! Finally it's holiday now~

CNY is just around the corner so I guess I need to get myself prepare. But still there're too many things to do >.<.

I won't be at home for the whole week, busy going here and there. Since this will be my last year celebrating in Malaysia, I wanna make it memorable =D. Hope I could get BIGGER ang pows =3.

And yea.. I'm very exhausted now. Today is Jenny's Birthday and so the girls and I decided to have a picnic. Guess where, my house LOL. This is really laughing my ass off. Too funny~ Can you imagine the all of us sitting at the car porch??? Neighbours gave us a weird look when they passed by my house hahahaha.

It's fun anyway =)). I love meeting with them because they're just as crazy as ever!! xD

Alright, that's all for now, I need restttttttt, very sleepy though hehe..

A very big congratulations to myself that so far things are settled down now. I'm done with that freaking report which made me stay up until 6.30am. I guess I've only slept for 2.5 hours that day. Anyway, it's over now so I'm not going to think about it again, just hope I pass this one. #pray

Next, Jenny is back!! I'm definitely very happy about this since I don't get to see her all the time (she's currently working in Australia). I love being with her, I love her presence and I love the time we spent together always.

10 years... How fast time flies =).
We spent our time together for the past few days, with her boyfriend and brother as well =).
No one can ever imagine the bond between us. I just know we've been through hard and sweet times together, quarrels or fights etc but I'm grateful that all these made us stronger. Other than one person, no one can ever understand me like she does, so I should say I'm really fortunate to get to know her.

Alright! Time to continue with my studies or report again since I've been slacking for these few days *heh*


I'm glad to have you around, you're just simply irreplaceable. I love you, Jenny ma >.<

Finally got to rest a bit today since everything has been postponed. It's a good and bad news actually. Good news is I got to relax and slowly focus on one, but the bad news is, I'll be facing lots of exam in just a small period of time.

That's not the main point for today actually.

These few days I've been busy and stressing over many things. Another one just 'droop by' when I'm not even done with one. And, I'm guessing I've made a wrong estimation.

The guilt is always there in me right now but I've no idea on how to solve it. I don't want to make any unnecessary moves which cause the situation to be more complex anymore. It's already too complex right now. Everything deviates from what I imagined. This is really beyond my expectation and it's really sickening for not being able to solve it.

I just want to apologize to those who are involve, sincerely and deeply. I'm sorry. I really never thought this will turn out like this. Perhaps a simple apology doesn't work anymore but I really hope we could still be how we used to be. I don't want such a small thing to came in between us, it's not worth it at all.

I know these people love and care for me a lot, and they're worrying for me all the time.

It's alright guys, I know what I'm doing and I'm really living fine now. I'm big enough to understand things even though I may need some guidance at times. But let me solve this myself, I promise I won't get hurt. Even if I do, I promise not to complain about it because I know I need to bear the responsibilities myself. I appreciate every advice given by you guys, really. I've had you guys worry too much about me and not to say causing many troubles. I can't bear to see things keep going round and round and definitely don't wish to cause anymore burden. I'm really sorry if whatever I've done have cause anger in you. You may choose not to forgive me but I'll always remember your existence and the importance of having you. Thanks so much for being with me all the time, through the good and bad ones. I do hope we're always one even after I've gone to UK in 7 months time from now. Love you guys lotss.

Head feels heavy the whole day today, even after I took panadol and had a 4 hours nap.

Too stress lately and many things to think about.

Expectation, demands, hopes, wishes etc.

Can't take it anymore. Lights off.


'Who is willing to stay back for me?'

Hiiiiiiiiii!! I'm guessing I've left this blog for quite some time, hopefully not until the extend that I can see 'cobwebs' all over. I've been pretty busy lately especially when my Uni starts again!! *argh*

2 weeks holiday is just too short. Apparently there's not much activity to do, just feeling so lazy to get my butt off the house. Hmm.. Yea, spending time taking with friends, playing with them and etc =).

Christmas and new year?? Hmm.. Nahh.. Nothing special on these two days. Rotting and counting down to these two days by myself *lol*.

Anyway!! That's not the whole idea for today. Finally or maybe for the time being, I can put my heart at rest, all thanks to Sandy!

I was confused + lost + in a dilemma situation yesterday. My mom wants me to go uk immediately after my finals to work for 3 months but my heart don't really feel like going because of certain reasons. Nic will never act without a reason. The request my mom gave me was actually splendid but it just came in AT THE WRONG TIMING. I already have my own plans after finals and I just want this plan to carry out perfectly and smoothly.

Now, I need to think of a mutual way to reject my mom. Sandy told me this, it's up to me to decide whether which path is worthy. I can't choose two if I want a perfect one, so means I got to sacrifice one. Obviously without a second thought I know which route is more worth to choose.

I'm so desperate in visiting singapore so of course I will give up the job offer in uk. I think I'll lose my soul if I listen to my mom. So in the end, I still got to choose what my heart really wants =).

Well I'm just thankful with Sandy being there. At least I know at times, I'm not fighting all these troubles alone *hehe*.

I'm too bored~
This year is totally differently from the previous years. I will normally go for countdown with friends but not this year, because I want to be with my family, but only my parents are at home ==, and they are watching dramassss.
So I'm rotting at home until 2013.

Anyway, 11 more mins to 2013. Let's summarise what I've done this year =).

1. I finished my level 1 Pharmacy course which literally makes me fly over the moon.
2. Didn't really had a great 21st Birthday celebration as exam is just around the corner #screwit
3. Worked for a few months to gain some extra pocket money.
4. VISITED OTHER COUNTRY FOR THE FIRST TIME - SINGAPORE!!!!
5. Had a splendid gathering with Elaine, Albee, JY and JH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. Headed back to FW.
7. Moved from official FW to Vendetta.
8. Met a few people through Elaine - Luis and Glenn.
9. Got married in FW *hahahahaahaha*
10. Got to know a surprising news - Snowy and Sethagius is currently dating right now!!!! Wow! Grats! xD
11. Went back to Uni for my second year course.
12. Stress up all the way with test, reports and OSCE.
13. Got emo for quite a few times *hehe*
14. Quarrelled with my mom, cold war for a few days =(
15. Spent more than RM150 in a week @.@
16. Moved from Vendetta to Raiderz.....
17. Got myself an iPhone!
18. Posted something to Singapore =3
19. Missing and loving you =)

Hmm.. It's not in sequence but who cares xD.

Happy New Year, 2013 to everyone! May everyone be healthy and best of luck from ME!

I'll make sure I get myself to Singapore in 2013!!! And of course passing my level 2 with flying coloursssss xD.

I promise I'll care and love you more in 2013 =). You do the same too, ok? =)

This year Christmas is the worst of all.

Not doing anything but just rotting at home.

Heart is too lonely to type anything, so good night.

Finally! It's time to chill a little.

Everything is finally over but still got to work hard. There's still assignment to do, there's still things to brush up on. Soon, I'll be getting busy again.
For now, I just want to relax my muscles and mind #letmerest

Christmas is just around the corner.
This year would be my last year celebrating Christmas in Malaysia as next year I'll be celebrating it at UK!! =). How cool is that?
But... Don't think I'll get to have a splendid Christmas this year.
Hmm.. I don't really celebrate but I wish I could do something on Christmas.
There's one plan initially but it failed so yea I don't know what else can I do on that day.
Maybe I just sit around at home, stare at my computer while listening to the fireworks start to spark on Christmas Eve.

I.... really really want to spend my time with someone on Christmas.

Finally done with that literature review (3500 words).

It took me quite long to complete it.

It's been really really a tough one week for me, not only for report but other things as well.

Right now I really wish I'm able to go to somewhere far, where no one knows me and just enjoying the nature.
I want to clear my mind from this stressful life.

I've been waiting and waiting. For what? I don't even know it myself *lol*.
Just simply waiting for something to appear or drop from the sky =D